Snapshots from El, Inc.

My inspiration: Vittorio Monti's "Czardas"

2009-01-29T22:17:00.001-08:00

I'm learning Gustav Saenger's arrangement of this gem for piano solo. God help me do justice to this magnificent work of art.

Stream of consciousness: Sunday, 25 Jan 2009

2009-01-25T19:09:00.000-08:00

I had amazing beef stew for dinner just now, brought by my amazing girlfriend. :)

Sitting in the lab, trying to figure out my Psychometrics assignment... Still having trouble with the technical details, but... More so having trouble fitting details into each category...

Listening to Daniela Chavarria chat on the phone in Spanish.. I think I just heard her say "pre unta", which I think means "question?"

Last night's CNY party in Dr. Niece's house was AWESOME. We are really SO blessed to be on a student-centered campus with such a rare and extraordinary President.. Noise-makers, fortune cookies, chopsticks, "Chinese yo-yos", Chinese decorations, and CNY music... He really outdid himself! And the FOOD.. Oh my Lord, the food... I'm still feeling the weight of all that glorious food I ingested last night... Lin go, beef stew, nasi lemak, potato curry, chocolate cookies, beef fried rice, yee sang, koniaku jelly, ketupat, and MARMITE CHICKEN... OOOOHHHH what a feast!! And the noise and clamor and joyous sounds of laughter and mirth... Made me warm and fuzzy inside, and almost brought tears to my eyes as the yelling and laughing during the yee sang tossing transported me back to my beloved home country..
Such a blessing to be in this Ozarks community... :)

Thinking of what is one of my favorite verses ever now: Jesus said, "Truly I say unto you, before Abraham was, I AM." What??? What a punk!! Seriously, God is the biggest punk ever, excusing my language... By punk, I mean the kind of God that does whatever He pleases, and no one can say anything or do anything about it to change Him... He truly is all-sufficient, all-powerful, and sovereign.. It's a good thing He is also all-loving, or we'd all be toast by now...

Remembering also the Scriptures we heard in church this morning... In particular, this one: "...while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." AMAZING. While we were yet sinners!! What love.. Such inexpressibly GLORIOUS agape love... And here I am so often struggling to love those I deem "undeserving", those who "irritate" me or cross my path the wrong way... God help me change...

Thinking now that I really need to get back to my Psychometrics homework.. And then study for Cog Psych quiz over Chapter 1 tomorrow... And read Chapter 1 of Computer Science.. But oh so looking forward to more beef stew with ramen (lo mien!!) when I get back to the room...

I am blessed and highly favored.. :)

End stream of consciousness.

Peering into the future

2009-01-16T15:29:00.000-08:00

About a week ago, I got an email invitation to the University of Pittsburgh's interview weekend. It's hard to convey the incredible joy I felt when I got that news! I'd been wrestling on and off with self-esteem issues, obsessively thinking that my application and preparation was inadequate, making "in case no one accepts me" plans, etc.
It was very calming to hear some warm words and concrete evidence for my dense soul that God is indeed in control. :)

So, with graduate school now a very firm possibility, I've been doing more and more thinking about my future, both short-term and long-term. If I go to Pittsburgh, I need to look for a church to plug into, I need to find a place to live, etc. These things affect Anna, too, cos with more concrete possibilities she's been looking at schools and options in Pittsburgh.
I also learned that applying to the Center for the Neural Basis of Cognition (joint Pitt/CMU venture) is still a possibility. I really want to, and I think the only thing holding me back is my assessment of my competence. Because students of the mind who ignore the brain will quickly get left behind; too much is happening in cognitive and computational neuroscience for me to lightly pass this opportunity by. I'd like to put myself in the strongest possible position to contribute after my PhD to both knowledge of the mind and the advancement of knowledge and learning in Malaysia.

Dealing more intimately with the details of experimental design, ethics, and the IRB is giving me more of a realistic taste of what my life will probably be like in the next 4-5 years. Lots of hard work, lots of time put in, but oh how I love it! :) I have increasingly more confidence that this is what God made me for.

Working harder on controlling my finances has also helped me to see how my money flows, what I tend to spend money on, how much I need to live comfortably, etc. Makes me think of the possibility of marriage while in graduate school, and how we would go about it financially. With all the possible variability, we know for sure that it won't be easy. But God has also shown Himself faithful in providing for us, usually just enough so we know that He's there, but not so much that we get complacent. We're so grateful to Him for His loving provision as our Father. :)

It's weird for me, thinking so concretely about what to do after graduation. It's yet to sink in for me that this is my last semester at Ozarks. 4 years of liberal arts education, somewhat sheltered from the harsh winds of adult life.. In May, I will (God willing) walk to receive my diploma, and then... Who knows? God knows, for sure, and I think I have some ideas, but.. It's going to be an interesting journey, with lots of hard work and sweat, tears, and joy in store..

Through all this, my prayers remain the same:

I'm looking forward to this year. :)

My direction for 2009

2009-01-03T12:33:00.000-08:00

KEY SCRIPTURES

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom (Ps 90:12)

Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days (Ps 90:14)

May the beauty of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands (Ps 90:17)

KEYWORDS

Stewardship
Relationships
Unconditional love
Hanging out
Consistency
Perseverance
Discipline
Hard work
Finishing/follow through
Habits

Happy 2009! :)

2008-12-21T22:53:00.000-08:00

Happy new year everyone! :)

We are well into Christmas break, so now I no longer have any excuse not to blog. My fondest salutations to those who continue to check on this pitiful excuse for a web journal. It's been acting more like a peer-reviewed quarterly academic journal lately, with information that was hot last year being posted today.

Anyway, some updates are in order.

The above picture demonstrates how much of a nerd I have become. =p For "leisure reading" this break, I have Allen Newell's (1990) Unified Theories of Cognition and various articles on visual imagery and reasoning for my senior thesis. I've also played a few games of Sudoku, and have gotten to the 8-disc level of the Tower of Hanoi puzzle.

I've also gotten hooked on organization. I've finally come up with an accounting system that I can work with. Today I'll be able to analyze my December expenses and estimate a workable budget for the next month. :)

It's been a good year. I'm happy and content, and feel very blessed to be where I am today, with the opportunities I've got. I'm thankful for all the factors (parents' hard work, Ozarks' generosity, and ultimately, God's blessings) that have made it possible for me to study in the US. I'm thankful to God for blessing me with Anna. I'm thankful to God for "building my vita" with my summer internship in DC, Hagaman's arrival at Ozarks, and the continued generous support of my parents. Above all, I'm grateful that God loves me unconditionally and continues to work in my life. :)

Psalm 90 may be my Scripture for the year. My heart's prayer for 2009 is well said in these 3 verses:

v12 - Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

v14 - Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

v17 - May the beauty of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands.

Happy 2009, everyone! :)

October snapshot

2008-10-09T19:41:00.001-07:00

I am currently:

Amazed by Tommy Emmanuel (see the video if you don't understand - it's his live performance of "Angelina")
Sensibly inspired to worship God with thanksgiving for music.
Sensibly inspired to practice my guitar and perhaps buy a thumb pick to start learning fingerstyle.
Wrestling with my senior research project: currently looking at mental models theory, reasoning, discourse comprehension processes, and working memory, and trying to extract a workable research question from my readings.
Reading John Piper's "When I Don't Desire God"
Meditating on Psalm 139 and Ephesians 2:1-7.
Amazed by God's grace.
Daily asking for grace and forgiveness as the Holy Spirit is showing me more and more of my selfishness, "I deserve better" mentality, my lack of proper desire for God, while simultaneously awakening a desire to be more thankful, humble, and selflessly loving, and more in love with the One who created me and gave all for me.
Amazed at the thought that my sister is getting married in 17 days.
Saddened by the worsening political situation in Malaysia.
Preparing to start applying to graduate schools.
In love. =)

My personality according to Jung

2008-09-23T08:16:00.000-07:00

I took a free personality test in Clinical Psych today. Here are the results. I think they're pretty spot on, for the most part. I "bolded" the descriptors that I thought were most accurate. What do you think?

INTP - "Architect". Greatest precision in thought and language. Can readily discern contradictions and inconsistencies. The world exists primarily to be understood. 3.3% of total population.

Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

DESCRIPTORS

loner, more interested in intellectual pursuits than relationships or family, wrestles with the meaninglessness of existence, likes esoteric things, disorganized, messy, likes science fiction, can be lonely, observer, private, can't describe feelings easily, detached, likes solitude, not revealing, unemotional, rule breaker, avoidant, familiar with the darkside, skeptical, acts without consulting others, does not think they are weird but others do, socially uncomfortable, abrupt, fantasy prone, does not like happy people, appreciates strangeness, frequently loses things, acts without planning, guarded, not punctual, more likely to support marijuana legalization, not prone to compromise, hard to persuade, relies on mind more than on others, calm

FAVORED CAREERS

philosopher, game designer, scientist, software engineer, freelance artist, research scientist, assassin, freelance writer, physicist, software developer, mathematician, geologist, computer scientist, philosophy professor, webmaster, slacker, medical researcher, painter, mortician, systems analyst, comic book artist, computer technician, website designer, scholar, archaeologist, computer repair, forensic anthropologist, astronaut, researcher, historian, systems engineer, genetics researcher, astronomer, environmental scientist, egyptologist

DISFAVORED CAREERS

human resources, public relations, social worker, guidance counselor, health care worker, trainer, school teacher, wedding planner, movie star, hospitality worker, supervisor, child care worker, fundraiser, customer service, stay at home parent, office administrator

Since June...

2008-09-06T18:15:00.001-07:00

Since my last post ages ago in June, I have:

Entered into one of the most rewarding, joy-producing, and growth-inducing relationships of my life: a courtship with Anna Yong, the love of my life. :)
Experienced the power of God working through a healthy, Christ and gospel-centered church: Capitol Hill Baptist Church in Washington, DC.
Worked 6 weeks in the Lab for Applied Research in Cognition and Human Factors (ARCH Lab) at George Mason University in Fairfax, VA, as an APA Summer Science Fellow.
Was introduced to the power of Macros and Visual Basic programming in Microsoft Excel and Microsoft Word.
Co-authored an empirical paper on procedural errors with Dr. Raj Ratwani and Dr. Greg Trafton through my APA Summer Science Fellowship.Attended the 30th Annual Meeting of the Cognitive Science Society in Washington, DC.
Determined that I want to be a cognitive scientist, committing to acquiring and using a combination of scientific methods to study various aspects of the mind, including language, memory, reasoning, mental representations, and perception (of music, speech, etc.).
Identified a number of graduate schools I will want to apply to: University of Arkansas (Fayetteville), UT Austin, University of Illinois (Urbana-Champagne), SUNY Buffalo, and SUNY Binghamton.
Determined to learn basics of programming. I am now proceeding through CS106A: Programming Methodology with Dr. Mehran Sahami via Stanford's free iTunes U channel.
Witnessed the work of God on the U of O campus and in First Baptist and caught a fiery passion to work for the exaltation of Christ on this campus and in this community.
Realized that my sister is going to get married very soon (in October!!)
Acquired a position in the Bass section of Ozarks Chorale and Chamber Singers. I was previously a Tenor I.
Begun work on a Senior Seminar project that is designed to systematically investigate the complex role of working memory in making deductive inferences from prose.
Finished learning Claude Debussy's Claire de Lune (more than a year after first picking it up!!!).
Had numerous opportunities to share the gospel of Christ, both through word and action.
Wrestled with hard questions about suffering, the sovereignty of God, and election, among others, and emerged with a deeper appreciation and love for the mystifying magnificence that is the LORD God as revealed in the Scriptures.
Switched table tennis/ping pong grips from the pen-holder to the handshake.
Grown.
Loved
Lived, with immense gratitude for the blessings that I continue to drown in daily. :)

Stay tuned...

2008-08-14T22:23:00.001-07:00

Massive updates in the works... ;)

Flobots - Handlebars

2008-06-19T17:06:00.001-07:00

Sometimes we can find echoes of truth in the most unexpected places - even in a song about riding my bike with no handlebars. Here's a gem of a hip-hop song (no profanity or sexual references!!) that thinly conceals a truth about human nature and pride that caught me off-guard. I don't know exactly what their intended message was (some have conjectured a tirade against Bush and the war against terror), but here's what I got out of it, by connecting the two most repeated phrases: "...look at me..." and "holocaust". What do you think that says about the logical end of unchecked me-focus? Take some time to digest the lyrics and the video, if you would:
I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

Look at me, look at me
hands in the air like it's good to be
ALIVE
and I'm a famous rapper
even when the paths're all crookedy
I can show you how to do-si-do
I can show you how to scratch a record
I can take apart the remote control
And I can almost put it back together
I can tie a knot in a cherry stem
I can tell you about Leif Ericson
I know all the words to "De Colores"
And "I'm Proud to be an American"
Me and my friend saw a platypus
Me and my friend made a comic book
And guess how long it took
I can do anything that I want cuz, look:

I can keep rhythm with no metronome
No metronome
No metronome

And I can see your face on the telephone
On the telephone
On the telephone

Look at me
Look at me
Just called to say that it's good to be
ALIVE
In such a small world
I'm all curled up with a book to read
I can make money open up a thrift store
I can make a living off a magazine
I can design an engine sixty four
Miles to a gallon of gasoline
I can make new antibiotics
I can make computers survive aquatic conditions
I know how to run a business
I can make you wanna buy a product
Movers shakers and producers
Me and my friends understand the future
I see the strings that control the systems
I can do anything with no assistance
Cuz I can lead a nation with a microphone
With a microphone
With a microphone
And I can split the atom of a molecule
Of a molecule
Of a molecule

Look at me
Look at me
Driving and I won't stop
And it feels so good to be
Alive and on top
My reach is global
My tower secure
My cause is noble
My power is pure
I can hand out a million vaccinations
Or let'em all die in exasperation
Have'em all healed of their lacerations
Have'em all killed by assassination
I can make anybody go to prison
Just because I don't like'em and
I can do anything with no permission
I have it all under my command
Because I can guide a missile by satellite
By satellite
By satellite
And I can hit a target through a telescope
Through a telescope
Through a telescope
And I can end the planet in a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust
In a holocaust

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars
No handlebars

I can ride my bike with no handlebars
No handlebars

Fight fire with fire..

2008-06-14T15:26:00.001-07:00

I have a resource to share that I came across today. It concerns the mental warfare between holy and unholy desire. We know from experience and from Scripture that the battle that really counts is fought not in our visible behaviors and audible words, but in the unseen chambers of our minds and hearts, where a lifelong war is fought for our thoughts and desires. God's will or our will? God's thoughts or our thoughts? Desiring God or desiring me/that car/that woman/that relationship?

Well, this resource specifically concerns temptations of a visual nature. Guys, I think this might be helpful for you. I've heard some people say that, on the average, men think about sex every 6 minutes. Sadly, sometimes this is not far from the truth. Our sex-saturated culture is a lethal weapon in the hands of a Devil with crosshairs on our eternal souls.

Visual temptation is strong. Very strong. It isn't enough to just look away. The image remains in the mind, unless it is replaced in its schema by an alternative image.

Try this: try not thinking about a black cat. Don't think about it. Try as hard as you can to avoid having an sort of image whatsoever of a black cat. Resist any mental images that even remotely resemble a black cat.

If you're like me, you probably didn't fare very well at not thinking about the black cat. Unless you immediately thought about something else.

So here's a suggestion. Why not fight fire with fire? If Satan throws a visual image to incite lust, why not parry the lunge by straining our thoughts in another direction, at another visual image, say, of Christ crucified? What could be more incompatible with lust?

Here are some helpful words from John Piper (in Pierced by the Word) to help you focus your thoughts:

Demand of your mind that it fix its gaze on Christ on the cross. Use all your fantasizing power to see His lacerated back. Thirty-nine lashes left little flesh intact. He heaves with His breath up and down against the rough vertical beam of the cross. Each breath puts splinters into the lacerations. The Lord gasps. From time to time He screams out with intolerable pain. He tries to pull away from the wood and the massive spokes through His wrists rip into the nerve endings and He screams again with agony and pushes up with His feet to give some relief to His wrists. But the bones and nerves in His pierced feet crush against each other with anguish and He screams again. There is no relief. His throat is raw from screaming and thirst. He loses His breath and thinks He is suffocating, and suddenly His body involuntarily gasps for air and all the injuries unite in pain. In torment, He forgets about the crown of two-inch thorns and throws His head back in desperation, only to hit one of the thorns perpendicular against the cross beam and drive it half an inch into His skull. His voice reaches a soprano pitch of pain and sobs break over. His pain-wracked body as every cry brings more and more pain.

*bows to pause in prayer*

My friends, that was the price of our sin. That is how serious rebellion against God is. That is how much God loves us.

I'm not saying focusing on those particular images will grant you instant victory in whatever battle against temptation you are facing.
I am saying that we need to fight violently, to do more than "look away" or "pray". We need to somehow lift our eyes from the mire of our sin and temptation and behold the glory of our Savior. We have hope that doing this will connect us to the Grace that will save us.

But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect [or contemplate] the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. (I Corinthians 3:16-18)

A work in progress..

2008-06-14T00:02:00.000-07:00

The lights are starting to come on.. As I like to say it, I think the Holy Spirit is finally getting through my thick skull: It's a process, my dear child.
Perfectionist me wants Joel to be free from sin, spectacularly loving, brimming with faith, bubbling with joy in Jesus, yesterday.
In some distant, cognitive sense, I have known this to be unrealistic, and perhaps unscriptural. But that knowledge has not been saving knowledge. My life testifies that I still believe in instant perfection. Tonight, I believe God is beginning to take me out that dreary wasteland into His garden of delightful Grace. :)

I thank God for writing, for His word, and for faithful standard-bearers of that glorious word such as Martin Luther, John Piper, and David Powlison.

Listen to the words of Martin Luther. They ring with wisdom that comes from God, and bring healing and redirection to the miracle of grace:

When our Lord and Master, Jesus Christ, said
‘Repent,’ He called for the entire life of believers to be one of repentance.
This life, therefore,
is not righteousness but growth in righteousness,
not health but healing,
not being but becoming,
not rest but exercise.
We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it.
The process is not yet finished, but it is going on.
This is not the end but it is the road.
All does not yet gleam in glory but all is being purified

These words join with Powlison's to speak that the Christian life is to be a lifestyle of repentance, a process of turning and repenting, daily, on many fronts, in many theaters of life, as the Father, the Living God faithfully and tenderly crafts His dear children into the glorious likeness of His Son.

Paul said that "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6). Did you catch that? Until the day of Christ Jesus. We are not finished yet. Not until we see Christ.

So we are works in progress, sinners becoming saints. We fall down, but we get up, for a saint is nothing but a sinner who falls down, and is picked up by grace (Prov 4:16).

May these words wash over your soul with healing waters if you are plagued with guilt daily over your sin and your imperfections. May you find through these words rest, quietness and unqualified and desperate trust in the unfailing Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Know with the confidence of saving faith that God is working. He is faithful, even when we are found faithless (2 Tim 2:13).

Living for reward..

2008-06-13T08:03:00.000-07:00

So I think one general rule in interpreting the Bible is that repetitions emphasize something significant. When Christ says "verily verily", He's saying, "LISTEN UP. DON'T MISS THIS."

Well, here's a nice little phrase that repeats 3 times in Matthew 6:

"And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."

To be honest, I think these verses stand out more now that I've been exposed to Ps John Piper's exposition of Scripture, arguing that our primary purpose in life is not to "glorify God and enjoy Him forever", but to "glorify God by enjoying Him forever." An oversimplification of the compelling theology of "Christian hedonism", but not too far off the mark.

In any case, one thing that grows out of the theology of Christian hedonism is an obsession with desiring and enjoying God (ergo the name Desiring God Ministries). And so in our reading of Scripture, we Christian hedonists cannot help but notice the phrase "for the joy that was set before Him" in Hebrews 12:2:

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

And again, in Matthew 5:11-12, where we are given the reason for our rejoicing in tribulation:

"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

And finally, this morning, I couldn't help but notice in Matthew 6, a great discourse on what true righteousness should look like, Jesus begins, in the very first verse, by saying this:

"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven."

So again we have that ubiquitous idea of reward. The idea here, I think, is that our righteousness is rightly motivated by reward. The righteousness that Christ both models and preaches is not "altruistic", "right for its own sake".. It's motivated by reward!
But that's selfish, you say!

*shrugs*

Look at the Scriptures, I reply. Really look. That idea of "reward", it's all over the place. It's hard to ignore.
But what is that reward?

Here's a thought I had this morning. One of the places that Christ says "And your Father who sees in secret will reward you" in Matthew 6 is when He's talking about prayer. And He's contrasting "right prayer" with the prayers of the hypocrites, who "love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others" (v5). Jesus says, verily verily, that they already have their reward. What is their reward? To be seen by others.
What kind of goal is that for prayer???

Imagine the alternative - what Jesus is implying by His use of the word reward. Jesus doesn't say anything about prayers being answered. He talks about reward. Both types of prayer get rewarded. The hypocrites get noticed. That's their reward. But those who pray in their closets, to their Father in secret? What is their reward?

I contend that their reward is communion with the Father.

That is the reward that I think should motivate our righteousness.

I pray that you will begin and continue to know the reward that is our Father in heaven. =)

On being grateful and happy..

2008-06-10T17:02:00.001-07:00

Editor's note: For those who want to skip my chiong-hei-ness, you can skip to the bolded main point. =p

Aight, I think it's time that I put some of my own thoughts up here. I was reading David Myers' Psychology Through the Eyes of Faith (a general psychology primer + relevant faith perspectives) tonight, and was reminded of one thing that Social Psychology says about human nature: our judgments of our states of being are relative.

To a point, relative judgments are warranted and based in objective reality. Take income and purchasing power for instance. In middle-class America, if I pocket $1200 a month, I'm pushing the floor of the middle class. In middle-class Malaysia, if I pocket $1200 (approx. RM4k) a month, I'm comfortably above the midpoint of the middle class. If I pocket that same amount a month in, say, Indonesia, I'm filthy rich. $1200 a month living in Palo Alto, California might very well put me in the poverty danger zone.

But when it comes to judgments of happiness, numbers are only a small part of the equation. Here's where the relative factor really comes into play. I remember my parents, and countless others from their generation, telling of how they looked forward to and enjoyed so much the rare occasions when they would be able to eat meat at a meal. Days without meat were endured, or perhaps passed over, as ordinary. I imagine myself in their shoes and conclude that my pre-meal prayers would be especially fervent and grateful if there was meat on the table. Compare that to my present: I take it for granted that I'll get to eat meat everyday. If I don't get to eat meat for a day, I don't get unhappy necessarily, but I definitely expect to eat meat the next day. If that doesn't happen for a while, I'll probably consider myself a little unfortunate, and might find my happiness level a little down. Granted, this example might not strike a chord with everyone.. I love food very much, so that was the first thing I thought of. =p

Here's another one. I am often struck with unhappiness over the quality of music I can make. This used to happen a lot more, back in the day when I would watch video after video of drummer/pianist/bassist prodigies blowing me out the water with their mad skills. I would daydream and ask God why I didn't have perfect pitch/perfect rhythm/a better bass/a better voice, yada yada yada.

Wow. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I do get depressed sometimes, when I'm "not playing well." Imagine that. For crying out loud, I can make music! There's no doubt about that. I'm not boasting here - God deserves the credit for the gift he's given me. You know how genes work, right? We have zero control over our genes. In future, our parents might, in which case we could thank them in addition to God for whatever talents we had, but.. even then, there would be no cause for boasting in talent. So I boldly proclaim that I am gifted musically, and give God all the credit for that.

But I digress.

Last Sunday, I heard a voice pierce through my complaining mind, reminding me that there are many people for whom hearing pleasant sounds issue from a musical instrument under their conscious control is an alien experience (which is Joel-speak for "some ppl can't play music wan!!!" =p).

And I was grateful. And happy.

So that's kind of how it works. If my current position can be compared favorably to another position, then I can be happy. At least that's how it works according the "relative rule" (I made that name up).

Now, to my main point. What I thought of and wanted to share was this: Christians should be the most grateful and the most happy, because we know that we deserve nothing but wrath and spiritual death, and anything seems better compared to that. If I know that I deserved hell, it becomes possible to be thankful for anything. Wahhh so absolute??
I stand by it. Think about it. Eternal torment vs irritating flies. Which one is worse? Eternal torment vs bad grade in class. Which one is worse? Eternal torment vs death of a close friend. Ouch. That was a low one. But the comparison still holds for me. The point is, I ought to be thankful in everything, just as the Bible commands (I Thessalonians 5:18), and I can do this because the Holy Spirit and my experience of grace helps me to see what was coming to me (Death), and everything that actually does come to me seems infinitely better than that.

Make sense?

Gutsy Guilt

2008-06-07T21:00:00.001-07:00

I discovered the scriptural concept of "Gutsy Guilt." It's been a great blessing to me, and I want to share it with you. I was exposed to this concept in a John Piper sermon on "Fighting for Joy", but "Gutsy Guilt" is explained beautifully in the following is an excerpt from John Piper's sermon "How to Deal with the Guilt of Sexual Failure for the Glory of Christ and His Global Cause", delivered to a massive conference of youth at Passion 2007. Be blessed. Our God is to be worshiped and adored! =)

_________________________________________________________

And what will you say to him? I conclude with my second point, Trusting Christ to the hilt with gutsy guilt. Micah 7:8-9 is a picture of what you say to your enemy when he scoffs at your defeat. Here is what you say. My summary of these words is to call them gutsy guilt. I call it that because the believer admits that he has done wrong and that God is dealing roughly with him. But even in a condition of darkness and discipline, he will not surrender his hold on the truth that God is on his side. Listen to these amazing words. Mark them. Memorize them. Use them whenever Satan tempts you to throw away your life on trifles because that’s all you’re good for.

Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him, until he pleads my cause and executes judgment for me. He will bring me out to the light; I shall look upon his vindication. (Micah 7:8-9)

This is what victory looks like the morning after failure. Meditate on it long and hard when I am gone. Learn to take your theology and speak like this to the devil or anyone else who tells you that Christ is not capable of using you mightily for his global cause. Here is what you say:

“Rejoice not over me, O my enemy.” You make merry over my failure? You think you will draw me into your deception? Think again.

“When I fall, I shall rise.” Yes, I have fallen. And I hate what I have done. I grieve at the dishonor I have brought on my king. But hear this, O my enemy, I will rise. I will rise.

“When I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me.” Yes, I am sitting in darkness. I feel miserable. I feel guilty. I am guilty. But that is not all that is true about me and my God. The same God who makes my darkness is a sustaining light to me in this very darkness. He will not forsake me.

“I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him, until he pleads my cause and executes judgment for me.” O yes, my enemy, this much truth you say, I have sinned. I am bearing the indignation of the Lord. But that is where your truth stops and my theology begins: He—the very one who is indignant with me—he will plead my cause. You say he is against me and that I have no future with him because of my failure. That’s what Job’s friends said. That is a lie. And you are a liar. My God, whose Son’s life is my righteousness and whose Son’s death is my punishment, will execute judgment for me. For me! FOR me! And not against me.

“He will bring me out to the light; I shall look upon his vindication.” This misery that I now feel because of my failure, I will bear as long as my dear God ordains. And this I know for sure—as sure as Jesus Christ, the Son of God, is my punishment and my righteousness—God will bring me out to the light, and I will look upon his righteousness, my Lord and my God.

An Ode to Friendship

2008-06-04T13:23:00.000-07:00

What a Friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit
O what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged
Take it to the Lord in prayer
Can we find a Friend so faithful
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness -
Take it to the Lord in prayer

Are we weak and heavy-laden
Burdened with a load of care?
Precious Saviour, still our refuge
Take it to the Lord in prayer
Do your friends despise, forsake you?
Take it to the Lord in prayer
In his arms he'll take and shield you
You will find a solace there

Hedonism is good!

2008-05-29T17:44:00.000-07:00

I'm bursting!! And I want to share what I'm bursting with..
I'm discovering the joys of desiring God. I'm discovering Joy as I learn to leave behind a "disinterested morality", of doing things just because they are good, or not doing things just because they are bad, to a reckless pursuit of satisfaction in God.

Unfortunately, my mind, heart, and soul are still drowning in this new revelation, so I shall spare you the agony of being caught in the maelstrom of my unformed thoughts for now.. I shall instead content myself with this quote from John Piper for you to chew on:

Kant loves a disinterested giver. God loves a cheerful giver (2 Corinthians 9:7).

It would probably make a lot more sense if you check out Piper's Desiring God sermons and resources. ;)

RE: Thoughts provoked by "Get Service" - to offset the "gloom and doom"

2008-05-27T16:05:00.001-07:00

I'd like to tell of my birthday. My wonderful, meaningful, memorable 22nd birthday. And give some credit to the lovely people that make my life beautiful. =)

Here are some verbal snapshots (I've been suffering from "Photographer's Block". Not really. Been lazy.. =p):

May 6: Organized by Anna, a whole host of my friends take time out of their Finals Week to sing "Happy Birthday" (in English, Malay, and Mandarin!) outside the library and present a plate of Palenque "Super Nachos" and a red rose to me. Thanks guys!! =)

May 9: Anna presents me with a surprise gift: a license for Acoustica Beatcraft, a drum programming software I've been wanting since 2005. Thanks Anna! =)

May 14: Patrick buys me Super Nachos for lunch and wishes me happy birthday. I'm grateful for the wishes and the nachos, at least partly because I didn't feel like cooking. =p Thanks Patrick! =)

May 15:

My sister wishes me happy birthday. We talk for a bit.. I always appreciate you, che! Thanks! =)
My dad emails me happy birthday. Thanks Daddy! =)
My mum emails a HILARIOUS e-card to me. Thanks Mummy! =)
Birthday wishes start showing up on my Facebook wall. Thanks guys! =)
Wilson calls to wish me happy birthday and we chat and catch up.. Thanks Kor Kor Chye!! =)

May 16:

Anna calls to wish me happy birthday. Thanks Anna! =)
Birthday wishes continue to show up on my Facebook wall. Thanks guys! =)
I get to chat with Anna on Gtalk in the morning. Thanks Anna! =)
Various people on campus wish me happy birthday. Thanks guys! =)
I get birthday emails. Thanks guys! =)
I buy myself a lovely Chicken Club Sandwich combo from Wendy's and take a leisurely drive to Horsehead Lake with Nat King Cole playing on the CD player. Good food, good view (love the summer green countryside!!), and good music. Thanks for letting me use your car, Anna! =)
I spend some nice quality time with God by Horsehead Lake. Thank you Jesus for making that possible!! =)
Caroline calls from Nebraska to wish me happy birthday. We talk and catch up for a bit.. Thanks Cruzer!! =)
Patrick, Amy and I cook a DELIGHTFUL FEAST and have Kathy over to help us eat. Thanks guys!! =)
Matt and Jessica Kasper leave a birthday card and some candy in my c-box. Thanks guys! =)
Patrick, Amy and I watch Ironman at the Clarksville cinema. Thanks guys! =)
I talk to my parents and sister on Skype. Love you all! =)

May 17: Birthday wishes continue to show up on my Facebook wall.

May 20: I receive a birthday card from Eric. Thanks Eric! =)

May 22: I receive a 4GB iPod Nano (3rd Gen) in my c-box from my sister and Jordan Davis. Thank you!! =)

Ahh...
I had a fantastic birthday this year, and just want to say again a HUGE THANK YOU to all of you that made it happen. I'm so blessed with you all! =)

Thoughts provoked by "Get Service."

2008-05-27T15:32:00.001-07:00

So I've been wrestling lately with a giant that is too strong for me: selfishness. I feel very "tender" these days. Easy to spark off. Oversensitive. Over-thinking. Almost like a slave to my Self-pity and Pride. Almost to the point of despair.
I sometimes see myself from a third-person perspective (probably the Holy Spirit's work) and know that the fuel, if not the root, of my woes is my selfish pride, and the lies it feeds me.

I wanted...but I didn't get.
I expected...but I didn't get.
I deserve...but I didn't get.
I gave...but got not thanks in return.
I messed up...and was given no mercy.
I am the lonely victim...
I am the thankless hero...
I am the neglected struggler...

Devilish lies my bloated Self whispers into my consciousness.. PAH!

I identify very strongly with the protagonist in the "Get Service" video. And with the conflicted, disillusioned David Dunn in M. Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable (excellent movie, btw). I wish I had those "Get Service" glasses on all the time. Unfortunately, God has not seen fit to be so kind with me yet. Or maybe I need to pray harder for a change of eyes. In any case, I know with painful certainty that I am, somewhere in my core, a deeply self-centered being.

Sometimes I feel like a slave, you know? A slave to my selfish pride. Pride says, "Get annoyed." And I do, despite my screaming soul pleading with me to love.. Pride says, "Throw a Pity Party. Invite yourself, and shut everyone else out." And I do, against the gentle promptings of my Father...

But you know what? There is hope. =)

Here's a timely rhema I received today. Drink in..

"If you hold to (remain, abide, continue in, keep coming back to, cleave to) my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:31-32).

I think I see an antidote to those devilish lies, and probably something better than special "Get Service" glasses. The words of Jesus Christ burned unto my soul.

Get Service

2008-05-25T11:10:00.001-07:00

Thought provoking..

The Work of the Devil, Our Accuser/The Work of Jesus, our Redeemer

2008-05-14T16:48:00.000-07:00

(El's Note: Article taken from Setting Captives Free Ministry)

The devil's work is to tempt and then accuse believers. The work of Jesus Christ is to redeem us from sin and to silence the accusations of the devil.

These truths are stated clearly in Revelation 12:10 and illustrated in Zechariah 3.
10 Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: "Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. (Revelation 12:10)

As we succumb to the allurements of the devil, and fall to his temptations, we feel unclean and distanced from God. The devil then uses these times of failure to accuse us before God, and the accusations sting and discourage us, largely because we know much of what he is accusing us of is true. When we sin we give the evil one ammunition with which to accuse and attack us. He is the accuser of the brethren and as such his work is to attack us with accusing and condemning thoughts.

But the work of Jesus Christ is to destroy the work of the devil, and this He did on the cross:
8 He who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work. (1 John 3:8)

The very reason Jesus came to this earth was to destroy the work of the devil; to destroy the power of his temptations and to destroy the accuracy of his accusations. As Jesus died on the cross He shed His blood, which forgives our sin and enables us to overcome the devil, as the next verse in Revelation 12 says:
11 They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. (Revelation 12:11)

We also overcome the accusations of the devil through the work of the cross. Jesus took our place, so all accusations the devil makes die with Jesus on the cross. "He's a sinner" and "she's guilty" and "he should die" all are redirected to our Substitute Who received those accusations and died in our place, paying the penalty for sin and silencing our accuser.

I pray that today you would focus on the work of the Redeemer, not the work of the Accuser, that God might break the power of cancelled sin in you, and that you might live to His glory.

Where is Compassion and Justice and Mercy?

2008-05-03T07:59:00.000-07:00

I passed a woman on the streets of Tulsa, Oklahoma yesterday.
She looked tired and sad. Her clothes were rather dirty, and she looked hungry, like she didn't have a place to stay.

I looked down as I passed her.

Inside I was screaming. I felt something in my heart. But I didn't know what to do.
God have mercy on me.

"Break my heart with the things that break your heart" (Israel Houghton, "Deeper")

State of the El

2008-05-01T11:54:00.001-07:00

This is too funny not to share. I was cracking my head trying to get things together for the introduction to my Senior thesis. I decide that I'm too exhausted to keep going for the mo, so I decide to take a breather. This is what happened:

I took a nap la, basically. But I think that picture is a very clear window into the state of my mind right now. I'm beginning to feel the wear and tear of a long spring semester. I'm not as alert as I'd like to be, and my mind isn't functioning as well as I want it to. I'm hovering between peace and crippling worry over everything that I need to finish before the end of the semester: 1) three chapters of a research proposal (introduction, review of literature, and methods), 2) a research paper on Kabuki theater, 3) a statistical report over 6 nonsense statistical problems for Inferential Statistics, 4) a comprehensive final exam for statistics, covering 2 semesters' worth of material, 5) an ethics course that will include 20+ more 15-20 minute modules, and 6) analysis papers for two concerts I've attended. That's what I think is worth mentioning.

Life as a student is tough. Boo-hoo. =p

Not really la. I'm thankful for adults in my life who help me to retain a proper perspective. Kevin Rainey and Lisa Edington are two that immediately come to mind that have stressed that life doesn't get any easier after college. I was able to cognitively grasp that last night, and thanked God profusely that all I really had to worry about right now is my studies and my stress from my studies. I don't have to worry about bills, mother-in-laws, crying babies, leaking roofs, and overbearing bosses. All I have to worry about stems from a huge blessing that God has provided me: the enormous opportunity of an Education. And I am thankful for that. Thankful for a mind capable of learning. Thankful for the capacity to write and communicate. Thankful for the capacity to read and understand and assimilate and struggle with knowledge and concepts and ideas and skills and methods and procedures. And thankful, most of all, for loved ones in my life that provide support and make it possible for me to carry on. Friends here.. Friends back home.. My church here, and my church back home.. And my family. :)

Noah in 2007: The Age of Bureacracy, Civil Rights, and Yada Yada..

2008-03-12T08:32:00.001-07:00

In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Canada, and said, 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of very living thing along with a few good humans.' He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, 'You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. 'Noah!' He roared , 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?'

'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Hydro One demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive , and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the Ministry of the Environment ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization are checking the Visa status of most of the people who want to work. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, Revenue Canada seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. '

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?' 'No,' said the Lord. 'The government beat me to it.'

LOL!!!

What's Your Angle?

2008-03-01T12:32:00.000-08:00

From Steve Fry of the Worship Institute.

In the perennial Christmas classic, White Christmas, Bing Crosby sets out to educate Rosemary Clooney on the unseemly underside of show business. He concludes her education with the cynical line, “Everybody’s got an angle.”

We live in a culture of angles and agendas. Of course, the more noble or religious souls call them “missions.” But whatever you call them, they give us a sense of purpose, save us from boredom, ensure us that our days are not random, and convince us that we are, in fact, “going somewhere.”

Going somewhere is good, but that can quickly translate into a driven-ness that disturbs our peace and dulls us to His presence. And whether motivated by a mission of mercy or the crass pursuit of personal advantage, we can find ourselves driven by agendas all the same.

In a highly individualized society like ours, the drive to authenticate ourselves can dominate our lives. The need to fulfill our destiny, the push to accomplish our purpose, or simply the appetite to maximize our potential tends to subsume everything else.

Tragically, even human relationships are formed in order to fulfill certain personal objectives. Friendships are valued by how each contributes to our goals. Will this connection get me where I want to go? Even a family can become a mere support system for each member’s personal agenda.

What about our “angles and agendas” with the Lord?

Naturally, this kind of agenda-driven self-absorption can infect our worship. Is this worship experience meeting my needs? Is it giving me peace? Will it grow my church? Because of these angles and agendas, worship can become a means not an end; friendship is sacrificed on the altar of mission. Everybody’s got an angle.

So, how do we unplug and detox from a life-style dominated by angles, agendas, and even addictions to ministry? How can we rest in our call, instead of being driven by our needs for success and significance?

I think we must let go of our agenda, releasing everything until our rhythm of communion with God is restored. Charles Spurgeon once said: "Success exposes a man to the pressures of people and thus tempts him to hold on to his gains by means of fleshly methods and practices, and to let himself be ruled wholly by the dictatorial demands of incessant expansion."

Focusing on Christ is the first step to rejecting those dictatorial demands. And we must unplug and “just say no” to the incessant screaming of our culture to “be something” or “go somewhere.” Only when we die to the need for personal significance, can we find release from the drives that threaten to push us over the edge - and that place where we are lost in the embrace of Jesus.

Gazing upon God

Jack Hayford says, "Worship holds the solution to the dilemma of mankind.” That is true because worshiping God takes the focus off of us. The world will only see Jesus in us as we reflect His beauty. And we cannot reflect His beauty unless we are looking at Him. Worship is gazing upon God. Without an agenda.

I once watched a young worship leader in action, gracing the keyboard with the velvet touch of a master, moving the congregation to a higher pitch of emotional intensity. He closed his eyes and sang songs that strummed the deepest yearnings of the human heart. The worship swelled. Faces were lifted to heaven, eyes glistened with an unspoken ache for intimacy with God. No doubt, it was a sweet moment – but was it worship?

Afterward, the pastor of that church cornered me. He was clearly frustrated with the worship leader – the passion displayed on the platform had not translated to Christ-likeness in his character. It seemed that he worshiped worship – engaged more in the experience of spiritual encounter, than in yielding his will to the Master. The feeling of spirituality had replaced nut-and-bolts obedience. His worship leading had an agenda. Whether he realized it or not, creating an emotionally cathartic moment that ingratiated him to the congregation was his agenda.

One of the clear words we have received about this year’s IWI is that we are to design the entire event in such a way that the only ‘agenda’ is gazing on God’s glory and embracing His presence.

Yes, the teaching will be rich, the workshops helpful, and our times of worship will be moving. But above all else, the Lord wants to do in us what He is doing in His people all over the globe: restore our focus on His glory.

Please join us for this encounter.

For Malaysia's sake, go and vote!!

2008-02-24T12:07:00.000-08:00

A piercing, honest, and very important article I think every Malaysian should read. Spread the word!

Note: Taken from the Star Online, 24 Feb 2008, Life Focus section.

---

WIDE ANGLE
By HUZIR SULAIMAN

Once every five years, our columnist gets all worked up. It’s that time again.

I started voting as soon as I was old enough to be eligible, and I’m proud to say I cast my ballot in the 1999 and 2004 General Elections. To be honest, I haven’t been hugely lucky with elections – nobody I’ve voted for has actually won, or even come anywhere near winning, the poor chaps – but that hasn’t stopped me. Whether it’s because I love suffrage, or merely because I love suffering, I keep coming back for more.

I only wish more of my friends and acquaintances shared my passion for the polls. Some say there isn’t any political party they feel comfortable supporting; others say they never quite got around to registering; a few, I suspect, just don’t want to wait in line on a day they could spend catching up on American Idol, or eating tiramisu, or doing sudoku.

I realise I might be preaching a particularly fundamentalist strain of democracy, but I have always believed that having the right to vote translates directly to having a responsibility to vote.

In the parliamentary system, the idea of electing representatives is that we symbolically turn over to them our innate authority both to make laws and to form a government to implement those laws and pursue the national interest. That symbolic transfer of authority is crucial. If we can’t even be bothered to participate in the process of selecting the proxies who will legislate and administer on our behalf, we give up the right to criticise the manner in which we are subsequently governed by those proxies.

In short: Vote, or shut up.

Than Chee Beng made the effort to vote in Bukit Merah, Perak, in 1999. What about you?

Note that this is very different from “Vote, and then shut up”, which is the view taken by most Asian autocracies. Ongoing criticism, debate and dissent are vital. But if, after being offered the chance to choose, we decline to get involved in the beginning of the political cycle – the election – there’s little point in wandering in later with our grouses.

If you’re not eligible to vote, whether you’re too young or a Malaysian abroad, you still have the right to comment, in my book, because you are subject to policies that you couldn’t possibly have influenced. But once you gain (or regain) the right to vote, you are morally obliged to take a stand and cast your ballot.

Look around Southeast Asia, and you see Communist states, military dictatorships, recovering dictatorships, fractious democracies, fragile democracies, “guided” democracies? and then there’s us.

We’re one of the few places where people don’t have to worry about tanks rumbling through the streets if they vote in the wrong party. In the context of Southeast Asia, our democratic freedoms, deeply flawed though they may be, are a precious commodity, and shouldn’t be taken for granted. If we aren’t vigilant in the exercise of our rights, those few freedoms might evaporate.

In short: Use your vote, or lose your vote.

Our voter turnout has never been anything to boast about. The high was back in 1964, with 78.9% of eligible voters showing up. The low point was in 1986, with just 69.97%. At other times we have bounced along in the low 70s.It’s better than the United States, but that’s not saying much.

We should aim for an 80% voter turnout at this election. After 50 years of independence, it’s time we got more involved.

(We might not be able to do better than 80%, realistically, because there will always be some voters in hospital with dengue fever; and of course, going by the alarming crime rates, a large number of voters will be the victims of snatch theft on the way to the polling station, thereby losing their identity cards and being unable to prove that they are actual living, registered voters, as opposed to, say, one of 200 dead voters living in the same two-room house.)

Anecdotal evidence suggests that voter turnout is low among the educated and English-speaking. Readers of The Star, basically. I sincerely hope someone will come up with figures to show that I’m wrong, but that’s the way it looks.

Excuses for not voting abound.

The idea that by not voting one can somehow register “a protest against the whole political system” is utterly nonsensical. You wouldn’t be registering a protest.

You wouldn’t be registering anything. You’d be erasing yourself.

You’d be disemboweling your own citizenship.

You’d be tearing out the intestines of your patriotism and throwing them onto the barbecue of your apathy.

In short: If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.

All right, but what if you don’t believe there’s a problem? One friend said to me, “I fully support the Barisan Nasional, and I know they will win, so why should I bother voting?” Well, obviously, if enough people think the way you do, Barisan won’t win in your constituency, and then you’ll feel pretty silly for having spent the day eating tiramisu, won’t you, you complacent middle-class tiramisu-eater?

On the other side of the spectrum, someone said to me, “I support the Opposition, but there’s no way they will win, so why should I bother voting?” Well, that’s why they don’t win – because of stupid ideas like that.

And even if you claim not to like a single one of the candidates in your constituency – which is entirely understandable, given that political parties of all sorts are occasionally obliged to distribute seats based on loyalty rather than competence, or indeed sentience – there will always be one candidate very slightly better than the others: the “least worst”.

Please vote for the least worst. Doesn’t Malaysia deserve the least worst, at least?

Happy voting, and good luck!

Huzir Sulaiman writes for theatre, film, television, and newspapers.

Look up

2008-02-16T12:45:00.001-08:00

"Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things." (Isaiah 40:26)

The people of God in Isaiah's day had starved their imagination by looking on the face of idols, and Isaiah made them look up at the heavens; that is, he made them begin to use their imagination aright.

The test of spiritual concentration is bringing the imagination into captivity. Is your imagination looking on the face of an idol? Is the idol yourself? Your work? Your conception of what a worker should be? Your experience of salvation and sanctification? Then your imagination of God is starved, and when you are up against difficulties you have no power, you can only endure in darkness. If your imagination is starved, do not look back to your own experience; it is God Whom you need. Go right out of yourself, away from the face of your idols, away from everything that has been starving your imagination. Rouse yourself, take the gibe that Isaiah gave the people, and deliberately turn your imagination to God.

(From Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest)

Why Obama has the hearts and votes of the young people of America

2008-02-11T19:12:00.001-08:00

According to will.i.am, founding member and frontman of Black Eyed Peas, the "Yes We Can Song" was inspired by Senator Barack Obama's 2008 presidential campaign and especially the speech Obama gave following the New Hampshire primary. He states, "It made me reflect on the freedoms I have, going to school where I went to school, and the people that came before Obama like Martin Luther King, presidents like Abraham Lincoln that paved the way for me. . . ." Dylan says, "The speech was inspiring about making change in America and I believe what it says and I hope everybody votes."

The music video includes excerpts from Obama's speech and appearances from several celebrities: Scarlett Johansson, John Legend, Herbie Hancock, Kate Walsh, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Adam Rodriquez, Kelly Hu, Adam Rodriquez, Amber Valetta, and Nick Cannon. "I'm blown away by how many people wanted to come and be a part of it in a short amount of time. It was all out of love and hope for change and really representing America and looking at the world," will.i.am said.

ONCE - a film for the aching heart

2008-02-05T08:50:00.001-08:00

How often do you find the right person?

Valid question, no? Stumbled across this film, courtesy of Anna Yong. After listening to a few songs off the soundtrack, I really want to see this film. Enjoy this heart-wrenching song from the film.

An eventful week

2008-02-02T18:20:00.000-08:00

Phew.

Taught in the College Bible class at church last Sunday. The subject was Uzzah's death during the Ark processional in I Chronicles 13. Reminded that God is not to be messed around with.

Shared in Alpha & Omega on Tuesday. Learned in Exodus 32-33 and John 15 about how God calls us to a deeper "face-to-face" relationship with Him as friends.

Snowed on Thursday! :)
Went sledding and snowfighting. Lots of fun and aching arms the next day.

First looks at the snow..

Snow-covered El!!

Lots of people taking pictures of the unusually heavy snowfall

Happy people after sledding and snowfighting :)

Me and a random snowchild

The snow-covered campus the morning after. It all melted away in the 50+F afternoon

Went to WinterJam yesterday (Friday) night. Newsong, Skillet, Barlowgirl, and MercyMe. God spoke to me about faith throughout the concert, even though I normally don't enjoy such events as much. Tony Nolan spoke of the benchmark for faith through the story of a tightrope walker who walked on a rope across the Niagara Falls twice with a wheelbarrow. The crowd cheered him on for a third, screaming their belief in his ability. He told them to demonstrate their faith by coming out to sit in the wheelbarrow as he walked. How many of them really believed? How many of us really believe?

Right now I'm waiting for 30 pork dumplings (siu mai??) to be done in Anna's steamer. Jian Peng's idea. Tongue and stomach itchy dy. =p

Gotta go study for my Intro to Music Lit. test. And then find time to sift through 62 assorted Raphael frescoes, Madonnas, portraits, and other works for a 30-40 minute presentation for Monday.

Cheers! :)

Something worth sharing..

2008-01-27T11:21:00.000-08:00

(Editor's note: Got this in my inbox from my beloved Aunt Lai Lai. I pray this blesses you as much as it did me.)

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, “Who would like this $20 bill?”

Hands started going up.

He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you, but first, let me
do this.”

He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.

He then asked, “Who still wants it?”

Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, “What if I do this?”

And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

“Now, who still wants it?”

Still the hands went into the air.

“My friends,” he said, “We have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.

“Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt
by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless.”

“But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.”

“The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE and WHOSE WE ARE. You are special; don't EVER forget it.”

The night before School Begins

2008-01-13T20:04:00.000-08:00

Yes, Christmas break is over. I had a blast. I earned $$, met with God, grew closer to my friends, learned the art of Surprising, further honed my culinary skills, drove a lot, played jazz, ate a lot, traveled, took care of cats and dogs, etc, etc.
I'm thankful. =)

Well, tomorrow is the first day of classes. I have 3 semesters to go before I graduate. Isn't that just insane?
This is a true saying: "Time fly like bird" (Adam, RBS 2006, qtd. by Anna Yong and Patrick Lee).

Sighs.

I am looking forward to this semester though. I'm excited about all my classes. Experimental Methods and Inferential Stats will be great - I'm pumped because I'll also begin crystallizing my senior seminar this semester, and those classes will be invaluable to that process. Introduction to Music Lit. and Renaissance & Baroque will be so interesting. And of course Choir and Chamber and Bells are always fun. And I'm sure I'll enjoy Tennis II. I can't wait! =)

So, tonight I'm going to refill my folder with notepaper, pack my hole-puncher in my bag (for the syllabi), and get a good night's rest before tomorrow.
I'm excited to see what God's going to do this semester.

Carpe diem!

May I have this dance?

2008-01-09T14:08:00.000-08:00

"The Christian life is a lot like dancing! Learning a new dance - Christ is our dance partner. He's teaching us the steps, a new song, a new rhythm.. Balance is key. The movements will be beautiful, perhaps hard to learn at first (cos we'll have to unlearn our old dance steps), but eventually, as we apply patience and perseverance, and with large dosages (in abundance, really - we just have to listen for them) of encouragement from proudly-looking-on Daddy, our bodies will start to flow with the new Divine Rhythm, to sway in the New Dance.. Eventually others will marvel at the beauty of this Dance, and ask how they might learn it too. It is then that we introduce them to our Teacher. ;-)."

--

The above was written by a winsomely hopeful 20-year old a year and a half ago. I long to recapture the innocence, the joy of Moments, the beauty of poetry and music and art and love and Life, without losing all the gains I have made in maturity in the years since..
Teach me to hope again, Father..
Teach me to laugh again..
Teach me to Dance.

May I have this dance?

New Year!

2008-01-01T00:20:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year, one and all! =)

I want to share my theme song for the new year, gifted by God through a Gift of a friend:

Come meet us, King Jesus
Oh wind of change blow through this temple
Sweet Spirit of God, come and mend our hearts
For all we have are songs
Unless You come

Awaken what’s inside of me
Tune my heart to all You are in me
Even though You’re here God come
And may the vision of You
Be the death of me
And even though you’ve given everything
Jesus come

Come free us, King Jesus
It’s the only way that freedom’s given
From You and You alone
In the work You’ve already done
For all we have are songs,
Unless You come

Here we are, Lord
In this place
Crying out for
Your embrace
To hear Your voice
More than songs
Please come
Jesus come

What My Obedience to God Costs Other People

2007-12-29T11:29:00.001-08:00

(From Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest.)

"They laid hold upon one Simon . . . and on him they laid the cross." Luke 23:26

If we obey God it is going to cost other people more than it costs us, and that is where the sting comes in. If we are in love with our Lord, obedience does not cost us anything, it is a delight, but it costs those who do not love Him a good deal. If we obey God it will mean that other people's plans are upset, and they will gibe us with it - "You call this Christianity?" We can prevent the suffering; but if we are going to obey God, we must not prevent it, we must let the cost be paid.

Our human pride entrenches itself on this point, and we say - I will never accept anything from anyone. We shall have to, or disobey God. We have no right to expect to be in any other relation than our Lord Himself was in (see Luke 8:2-3).

Stagnation in spiritual life comes when we say we will bear the whole thing ourselves. We cannot. We are so involved in the universal purposes of God that immediately we obey God, others are affected. Are we going to remain loyal in our obedience to God and go through the humiliation of refusing to be independent, or are we going to take the other line and say - I will not cost other people suffering? We can disobey God if we choose, and it will bring immediate relief to the situation, but we shall be a grief to our Lord. Whereas if we obey God, He will look after those who have been pressed into the consequences of our obedience. We have simply to obey and to leave all consequences with Him.

Beware of the inclination to dictate to God as to what you will allow to happen if you obey Him.

Christmas snapshots!

2007-12-27T21:38:00.000-08:00

Well, Christmas is over, and I'd be robbing God and my wonderful friends and extended family here in Clarksville of credit if I didn't tell of my positively marvelous Christmas season. :)
Here are some snapshots to aid in the telling..

December 24th: Christmas eve at the Crows'. Robyn is in green, and Cady, her sister, is in red. Robyn is Anna's roommate. Her family graciously invited us over for Christmas dinner.

Matthew, Robyn's brother, waxing dramatic over the contents of his stocking.

Robyn's mum, documenting family memories.

Nana, Robyn's grandma - an AMAZING cook. In the background is Robyn's grandpa, fondly known as Hoot Nanny.

Joy in a Christmas card. :)

A giant remote control for Hoot Nanny. Lol!

The aftermath of the gift exchange. Many thanks to Robyn and the Crows for a wonderful Christmas eve! :)

December 25th: Christmas day at the Edingtons'. Samantha is in her new pink pajamas, and Emily is in colorful new pajamas also. The Edingtons get new pajamas every Christmas eve.

One of Lisa's faceless angels. They usually creep me out, but this one doesn't look half bad up close. :p

Anna with the girls, trying to figure out Emily's new Barbie laptop.

Anna and I are literally paparazzi at every event we attend. But hey, memories are well kept in photographs, no? You'll be thanking us years down the road, just you see. ;p

Mark joins in the Barbie fun. Looks pretty intense!

New bikes for the Edington girls!

Sam says Merry Christmas to grandpa while Lisa takes a photo.

Emily sweet-talking grandpa. Precious, isn't she?
Many thanks to Mark and the Edingtons for letting us in on a warm and joyful Christmas day with the family. :)

December 25th: Christmas makan/surprise birthday celebration for Anna with the Ozark-Malaysians. Angust displaying the results of his ridiculously strong arm. One stroke from the butcher's knife cut through the chicken, split the chopping board in half, and cut the table too!!

A closer look at the carnage..

Relaxing after a great Christmas and birthday meal. Thank you, my countrymen, for your part in a truly satisfying and meaningful Christmas and birthday party! :)

Anna and I.

Florence and Anna.

Lay Hoong and Anna.

The cousins! Susan and Anna.

Fun with Florence! :p

Those three are something else! Susan helped to surprise Anna with Zai Choi, her favorite Christmas and birthday dish. The three of them also baked a scrumptious chocolate cake for her (with Angust's help). Thank you all! :)

I think this year's Christmas has been one of my fullest and most meaningful one yet. Heaps of Christmas food and cheer at the Crows' and Edingtons', oodles of Malaysian food and fellowship (including Zai Choi, Emperor Herbal Chicken, sardines, and Crash Bandicoot), a Malaysian gift exchange, and the joy of having a part in making Anna's birthday a special time.. All these goodies swirl around my deep gratitude to God for leaving the splendor of heaven for the squalor of earth and the shame of the cross, all for love.

Yes, God has been very good to me, and I cannot help but praise Him for who He is and what He's done for me. My God is a loving Father to me, who takes care of me, is willing to stand by me through tough times He puts me through for my own good, and never lets up loving me, no matter how many times I fail. My Father loves me for who I am, not who I should be. I was adopted into His wonderful family when I latched onto His Son Jesus (whose birth, incidentally, is the occasion for yuletide cheer) 19 years ago, and He wants to adopt and love you too! I pray that as the Christmas season passes and the new year approaches, you will find peace and love and joy in my Father's arms as I have.

Fun with Patrick

2007-12-22T12:56:00.001-08:00

Malaysian college students at Ozarks amusing themselves in Walmart with a "One-touch Adjustable Wrench". Watch and enjoy. =) Patrick is one of my closest friends here, and those of you who know my sense of humor may guess why from this video. =p Hehe..

Updates again!

2007-12-22T10:32:00.001-08:00

Harlo everyone!
It's been awhile since I've last updated. Actually haven't updated at all since Finals ended and Winter Break began.

To be brief, I have been rested and busy, if that makes sense. I've been busying myself with a number of odd jobs (e.g., filming basketball games, washing dishes, feeding cats, raking leaves, driving people to the airport) and earning money. But I've also been able to watch a few movies (watched Ratatouille at Huy's place last night), get out of Clarksville a little (went to Little Rock with Huy, his sister, and Anna yesterday), start on a puzzle, do some reading, cook, and most importantly spend quality time with God.

Upcoming plans are to take a diagnostic GRE today, look up internship options with USM, and relaxation at Joco Java tonight. Also spending Christmas day with the Edingtons, driving to Texas with the girls to visit Anna's relatives, and driving to Memphis to visit Robyn (Anna's roommate).

For now, have a peek in video form at what I've been doing so far:

IT'S OVER!!

2007-12-13T13:34:00.000-08:00

Finals is overrrr!!!! I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
I turned in my final paper for Social Psych at 1:30pm earlier.. I am now content from a good lunch at Wendy's and $235 fresh in my checking account.

And I have a Psych journal article on "happiness" in my backpack. It's not for a class or anything. I got a copy of it from Stephenson for "my reading pleasure".

I think it's good that I'm still interested in psych even after Finals. Makes me think that I'm in the right place. =)

More updates on Malaysia..

2007-12-12T11:24:00.000-08:00

I read the following news article with great sadness. Please spread the word to all you can to pray, and pray hard, for Malaysia. Things are looking black, very black.. What better atmosphere for the Prince of Peace to come through?

Malaysia's crackdown on dissent widens
By Anil Netto

PENANG - The administration of Malaysian Prime Minister Abdullah Badawi, rattled in recent months by a series of street protests, launched on Sunday another tough crackdown against peaceful demonstrators in which at least 23 human-rights lawyers, activists and opposition politicians were arrested.

The Malaysian Bar Council planned its annual walk for human rights in downtown Kuala Lumpur, which some predicted could have seen a turnout similar to an earlier march held in the administrative capital of Putrajaya in September where some 2,000 people participated.

But the council backed down in the face of warnings from the authorities that stern action would be taken against those involved in public demonstrations. Its "Festival of Rights" celebrations were then moved to its premises in Kuala Lumpur. A group of prominent human-rights lawyers and several dozen activists and supporters, however, decided to press ahead with the march. Observers said police outnumbered the marchers by a ratio of around five-to-one.

Eight demonstrators were arrested after they tried to negotiate an extension of the short time that police had granted them to complete their march on the planned route. They were charged in court Monday with participating in an "illegal assembly" and failing to disperse when ordered. They were later released on bail, but the offenses carry possible fines and jail terms of 30 months.

"If the choice is between public safety and public freedom, I do not hesitate to say here that public safety will always win," said Prime Minister Abdullah, according to media reports. "Malaysians must never, ever, take their peace for granted and they must continue to be responsible to each other."

Rights groups, for their part, slammed the arrests. "We are appalled that even a small gathering of marchers to a nearby destination in an orderly manner without obstructing the traffic or causing any chaos to the public cannot be allowed or tolerated by this oppressive regime," said P Ramakrishnan, president of the social reform group Aliran.

"If this little act of a democratic principle cannot be exercised in a responsible manner, can we pretend to be a democratic country any longer?"

Police also detained Edmund Bon, head of the Bar Council human-rights committee, for allegedly trying to obstruct security personnel from removing publicity banners placed on the Bar Council's buildings. A Malaysian Bar official said that the banners were clearly within the Bar's premises. Bon was released on bail Monday.

On Sunday evening, two prominent opposition politicians, Tian Chua and Mohamad Sabu, along with 12 activists, were also arrested for their involvement in another gathering the authorities considered an "illegal assembly". Most of them were crowd control marshals from the opposition Parti Islam Malaysia (PAS) who had participated in a November 10 rally in the capital which called for electoral reforms.

The rally was organized by the Coalition for Clean and Fair Elections (BERSIH), an initiative spearheaded by civil society groups and backed by a number of opposition parties. PAS marshals were widely credited for ensuring a peaceful and orderly rally attended by some 50,000 people, mostly ethnic Malays, though other ethnic groups also participated. Police, however, used tear gas and water cannons on sections of the crowd in a bid to disperse them.

The BERSIH rally was followed by another large protest on November 25, when an estimated 30,000 ethnic Indians from across the country converged in Kuala Lumpur to highlight what they perceived to be systematic ethnic marginalization and religious discrimination by the government.

The rally was spearheaded by the Hindu Rights Action Force (HINDRAF) and led by a small group of vocal ethnic Indian Malaysian lawyers. Last week a group of 31 HINDRAF protesters were slapped with the charge of "attempted murder" of a policeman during the November 25 rally, while 16 of them were also charged with taking part in an illegal assembly.

In the eastern state of Trenggganu, two PAS members have been charged with causing injury to a police officer during another rally in September which similarly called for electoral reforms. Both opposition party members have been denied bail.

Still, the string of arrests have not deterred another small group of five lawyers and opposition politicians from marching in Kuching, East Malaysia on Monday morning in a symbolic gesture to mark Human Rights Day, reported the independent news portal Malaysiakini.

Some analysts believe that the widening gap between rich and the poor in Malaysia is fueling the growing number of protests. They point out that neo-liberal economic and privatization policies, cuts in subsidies for essential services, and rising fuel and food prices have burdened the poor.

Indeed, most of those attending the recent large BERSIH and HINDRAF protests appeared to be from lower income groups. "The underlying causes [of the protests] are economic," said prominent economist Subramaniam Pillay. "There is a widening income disparity between unskilled and semi-skilled workers on the one hand, and skilled workers and connected people on the other."

He added that the incomes of unskilled and semi-skilled workers had been depressed by cheap foreign labor. Subramaniam is also chairperson of the steering committee of the civil society Coalition Against Health Care Privatization. The Coalition today received the 2007 Malaysian human rights award from the Kuala Lumpur-based rights group Suaram for its campaign.

The mass arrests and trials of demonstrators in court are worryingly reminiscent of the mass trials during the so-called Reformasi streets protests of 1998-2001, when dozens were hauled to court to face charges of illegal assembly. Some believe that the protracted trials of that period, including of former finance minister Anwar Ibrahim, served two purposes: they sapped the energy of the Reformasi demonstrators by dragging them through the court system, while the trials also deterred others from taking part in more protests.

Unlike his predecessor Mahathir Mohamad, Prime Minister Abdullah has not yet used the draconian Internal Security Act against those mobilizing the demonstrators - though he has not discounted the possibility. Abdullah, whose reform agenda to stamp out corruption and abuse of power has floundered, now faces a ground swell of popular disenchantment which has spilled onto the streets.

The year-end season of discontent could force him to delay plans for calling an early snap general election, which is due at the latest by early 2009. Instead, prominent opposition politicians believe the embattled premier is on the brink of ordering a major crackdown against dissent.

(Dec 12, 2007. Inter Press Service with editing by Asia Times Online)

Pray for Malaysia..

2007-12-10T23:36:00.000-08:00

If you're even looking at newspapers or watching the news at all, you should know something about the explosion of racial tensions in Boleh Land aka Malaysia. The latest hot button is the recent surge in protesting, this past month or so by the Indian community. My Gmail inbox is being flooded with Google alerts about Malaysia from Indian newspapers..
Things aren't looking so good for racial harmony in Malaysia now. And we all know that's bad news for human rights, bad news for public policy, and just bad news all around..
Lord knows Badawi needs prayer and massive changes of heart in his Cabinet and bureaucracy.

Will you join me in praying for peace in Malaysia?

And so it begins..

2007-12-09T22:39:00.000-08:00

My clock tells me it is 3 minutes past 1am. It's the 10th of December, 2007. Finals Week has begun.

I've already finished one paper to be turned in for Social Psychology. It's due on THURSDAY. Can you believe that? Joel finished a paper more than 4 days before it is due.

I was talking to Anna earlier today, and realized that one positive change I can praise God for has been my attitude toward academics. I used to rest on my laurels a whole lot more, being content to earn "good grades" with minimal effort. I didn't realize what a lousy steward I was being of my God-given intellect.
Things are changing for the better, thankfully. My resolve to work and really learn and be excellent continues to grow. We'll see what benefits it produces for Finals.

Godspeed with all who are facing Final exams!

Reflection..

2007-12-06T13:01:00.000-08:00

(picture taken by Joanna Chan)

God has been good to me. I am poised on the edge of Finals week, and am bathed in Hope and Joy and Peace instead of stress and fear and irritability, even on the back of a disappointing grade on a Stat take home test. I have time enough to stop to help others, pray for a needy friend, chat about politics, pray for the political situation in Malaysia, and sit and reflect over the semester.

I must praise Him for the lessons in humility and genuine love that I've had the opportunity to learn this semester. It wasn't always easy, and still isn't, but I am thankful that I can be thankful for them - I can clearly see my Father's loving intentions behind the thorny circumstances that often clothe those lessons. My spirit loves what is happening, even though my flesh and soul don't always share that attitude.

I must also praise Him for the way He's directing my life. Internships and graduate schools are coming into sharper focus, as are the skills and knowledge in my own life which seem to confirm the direction I received coming here at the U of O. I am also grateful for my musical growth this semester. I can sing higher, louder and better than ever before, and my fingers are better equipped to make melodious praise to my Father.

I am most grateful for the newness of my relationship with Him that I'm finding. The dross of idealism and emotionalism have been painfully extracted from me this semester, and the process is not yet complete. What lies beneath all that dross and pain, however, is a kernel of faith in a Loving Father; it does me good to find that kernel underneath all of that, for I know without a shadow of doubt then that my heart is held in my Father's hand, which tells me that no matter how much I hate what I see in the mirror, no matter how uncomfortable or scary or frustrating my circumstances get, there is an ever-present Help and Hope for me.

How has your semester/year/month/week/day been? I encourage you to take some time to reflect and realize just how much of God's blessings really are in your life. Take some time to praise Him for who He is, even if you can't think of anything positive; it's worth it. No. HE's worth it.

Jam Session One!

2007-11-29T23:36:00.001-08:00

This is one of my first few recordings. I came up with the basic chord progression on a rainy day in my freshman year of college. Drums were programmed with Acoustica Beatcraft. Guitars and percussion are real, voiced by yours truly. The track was pieced together on Kristal Audio Engine, a freeware program. Enjoy!

Grace and Repentance

2007-11-27T22:50:00.000-08:00

God is such a gentleman. He taught us in the Bible to overcome evil with good, to answer wrath with a soft answer, to turn the other cheek, to bless and pray for our enemies (and in doing so heap burning coals on their heads).. Did you know He practices what He preaches, in truth?

"Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?" (Romans 2:4)

Have you experienced the unmerited favor of God? Pause for a moment to reflect. Think of how you treat the One who made you and loves you deeply with an everlasting love. Think of what He requires of you, and the deep Love that is behind those requirements. Do you truly give Him what He deserves? Your time, your devotion, your heart, your money..
I answer no to those questions in my own life, sadly. The sobering reality is that I frequently allow my flesh to out-shout my spirit and neglect God and His commands. I do not give God what is due to Him. In a sense, then, I am His enemy.

And yet.. Still He blesses me. Still He remains with me, still He pursues me.. Not with fire and brimstone, but largely with a still, small, and constant voice.

Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life.
(Isaiah 43:4)

Do you sometimes feel like God has given up on you? Or if He hasn't, He surely should? I've felt like that. But He doesn't. Ever. He hasn't given up on me. I wander, ever the lost sheep.. And ever He comes to seek me. He gives me grace for my sin, and I find it bittersweet: I do not deserve it, but I am deeply thankful for it. Repentance is a natural response.
What then is the result of God responding to sin with grace? Reconciliation through repentance. And, if the sequence continues, a righteous life.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

This is my prayer, Lord. May it be so.

who is the loudest?

2007-11-21T11:40:00.000-08:00

okok. on monday night, we malaysians had a steamboat party. i mentioned to siew moon, and a few others, that i had just now realized how loud malaysians can be. i never realized before, but we are VERY loud ar!! not that it's necessarily a bad thing - it's just that, before i came to america, i had no benchmark of "quietness" to compare us with, and now i do. don't get me wrong, i remain unapologetically fond of my beloved countrymen; nevertheless, here's an amusing sample of our loud fun (taken last night after a game of "mafia"):

2007-11-21T08:36:00.000-08:00

i keep forgetting that the Christian life is a battle, not just a "walk".. sure ain't no walk in the park.. temptation lurks around every corner, waiting for the right reason to pounce.. there are "unconventional" insurgent fighters (the flesh) inside me still..

god, help me remember. i want to make you proud.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."

another "i'm sorry for not blogging post"

2007-11-18T16:30:00.000-08:00

me is pitiful. last post was weeks and weeks ago. ah, me. =p needless to say, i still live. as to how i'm doing? as i wrote on an old friend's facebook wall the other day, i am "taking photos, learning psych, playing music, loving life, god, friends, missing home and char koay teow and mamak, beginning to stress about postgraduate options, looking for internship this summer, trying to save $$, wishing i was rajin enough to blog consistently, sleeping late.." to sum it, life is good.

the sem's winding down to a close, and i can't shake this gnawing feeling that i've only barely scratched the surface of the disciplines i'm supposed to be studying this semester - social psychology, descriptive statistics, and new testament greek. it's a true statement (that i've only scratched the surface), but it does not follow that i haven't learnt much.

i realized yesterday while talking with anna bout the sem that i've actually amassed quite a bit of skills and knowledge in my studying this sem - the only difference i can identify between this sem and sems past has been my level of output (measured by the amount of tests and papers i've had to do for my classes).

i've previously gotten used to weekly 30-page reports, bi-monthly tests, and homework, homework, homework. this sem's been different. with the absence of "output" (read: busy work), i've had more freedom to explore the disciplines. i've been using my handy greek new testament for my bible study, and have actually begun browsing psych journals (esp. social psych) for FUN (god forbid!! =p). i like things this way. even now, as i'm studying for an impending social psych test (on tues), i'm enjoying looking up research and actually LEARNING the stuff, as opposed to merely engulfing material to be regurgitated come test day.

makes me feel like the money invested in my education is paying dividends. =)

enough talk, then. let me entertain you with... *DRUM ROLL* *CHIANG!!!*

THE LIFE OF A ~~PAPARAZZI~~ PHOTOGRAPHER

(introducing.. Alicia and Kellie!!)

Kellie: eh? is he taking our picture ar?

Alicia: erm... wait ar, let me think..

Kellie: think so long for wat, just look at the fler la!!

Alicia: hmmm.. ya hor..

Both: WAHH!! HE REALLY TAKING OUR PICTURE WORR!! SHOOT THE PAPARAZZI MAN!!!

Note: No subjects or photographers were harmed in the making of this pointless excuse for a story.

Love is Waiting (Brooke Fraser)

2007-10-19T00:37:00.001-07:00

Thanks to my beloved sister for sharing this song with me! =)

Lyrics:

In the autumn on the ground, between the traffic and the ordinary sounds
I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through
I watch as lovers pass me by
Walking stories - whos and hows and whys
Musing lazily on love
Pondering you
I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell
When it's time to walk that way we wanna walk it well

[CHORUS]
I'll be waiting for you baby
I'll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting til we're ready, til it's right
Love is waiting

It's my caution not the cold
There's no other hand that I would rather hold
The climate changes, I'm singing for strangers about you
Don't keep time, slow the pace
Honey hold on if you can
The bets are getting surer now that you're my man

[CHORUS]

[BRIDGE]
I could write a million songs about the way you say my name
I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again
and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,
neither should I rush my way into your heart

--

Here's a related passage from the Psalms:

"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance."
(Psalm 16:5-6)

Bill Gates' advice to kids

2007-10-18T22:49:00.000-07:00

Received this in my Gmail inbox, once again from my beloved Aunty Lai Lai. Great stuff.

---

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world. Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

My first wins in Racquetball!!!

2007-10-15T08:14:00.000-07:00

Perseverance in the face of constant and humiliating defeat has paid off.
I've been playing against athletes of a vastly higher caliber in my racquetball class this semester. There are 5 of us - 2 are instructors, and 2 are varsity athletes (baseball and soccer), both with previous experience in racquetball, quick reflexes, and ridiculously strong arms. And then there's little old me. Slow reaction times, weaker strokes, inconsistency.

It's true. You play against people who are much better than you, you lose. You keep playing, you improve. Until one day, you find yourself on the higher end of the scoreboard.

Today was such a day.

We played doubles - it was me and Bradley (the instructor) against Kurt and Nate (baseball and soccer athletes). I felt good, hitting a few good shots, and most importantly, not getting in the way of my doubles partner (I used to swing at every shot and miss).

First set: Bradley and Joel bt. Kurt and Nate 15-14
Second set: Bradley and Joel bt. Kurt and Nate 15-3

I just wanted to share my joy. =)

No trial seems pleasant at the time, but...

2007-10-08T08:08:00.000-07:00

"...we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28).

Familiar passage, no? I came across this email from my beloved Aunt Lai Lai, and it had some vivid imagery that helped to flesh out this time-worn (and sometimes too familiar) truth.

A couple of things to bear in mind:
1) Please note that each person is bearing a cross, indicating that they are disciples (see Luke 9:23), therefore
2) The crossing that the person with the shortened cross is not able to go over is NOT the entryway into heaven (or at least, that's how I interpret it) - it's more of a missed blessing, and
3) This blessing is missed because the person did not have the full cross (symbolizing suffering, death to self).

For those of you who are in the habit of shying away from suffering and pain (and this includes me), let's be spurred on to stop fighting God's purposes - let's allow him to work out good in our lives, even though it hurts.
Also, I hope this little verse and illustration can be a source of encouragement for some of you who are going through hard times - Romans 8:28 is not superficial! Take heart! Your suffering can actually become the bridge over which you pass into blessedness!
Praise our Omnipotent and loving Father!

May God bless each one of you richly with ever increasing love for our blessed Savior!

Published a photography blog

2007-10-01T08:12:00.001-07:00

A quick, shameless plug for my new photography blog: elspictures. I'm using it as my picture-sharing website - a way to share what I'm seeing and experiencing here in Ozarks. Hope you visit it and enjoy it! :)

Following Waengongi's Trail

2007-09-30T17:36:00.000-07:00

I watched "End of the Spear" last night - it's a dramatized documentary on the Waodani tribe's journey of faith, sparked by the courageous sacrifice of 5 missionaries (one of them being the now famous Jim Elliot). Not the strongest movie I've watched, but nevertheless carried very strong themes and messages that God has used to talk to me. I'll share one of them here.

In one scene, Dayuma, a Waodani young lady who lived with the missionaries to escape the barbaric cycle of killing among the Waodani, returns to her tribe (after the death of the 5 missionaries) with the wives of the missionaries. She is the only way for the Waodani to hear about God (whom they know as Waengongi), since the missionaries are not yet fluent enough in the tribal language. When she tells her family about Waengongi, who has taught them not to kill, who has a son, who promises a better life for them, they ask her, "How do you know what Waengongi says?"
"Waengongi has left carvings on the trail for us to follow. We can show them to you", she replies.

That phrase speaks to me in this season of my life as I strain to receive direction from God (Waengongi) as to what step to take after graduating from Ozarks. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6). That familiar verse from Proverbs comes to mind, and is made fresh in my spirit with the idea of carvings on a trail. I like the idea of God leaving tracks for me to follow on a trail. That word picture reminds me that I can't know the whole journey, but am rather on an adventure, a search for him - he's left markings on the trail that will help lead me to his will. I find peace in this thought - all I have to do is follow the markings to the next markings. Step by step, he'll lead me, till I reach the end of the trail, and I know what's at the end.. "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life" (Psalm 23:6), and a place that will "prosper me and not harm me, and give me a future and hope" (Jeremiah 29:11).

Makes me happy. :)

Now to prepare myself to receive his direction. Gotta move so I can find the next marking on the trail. I'm coming, Daddy! :)

More updates..

2007-09-24T08:12:00.000-07:00

Wow. Another week flies by. I'm convinced that rate of time passing is directly correlated with age of observer. Or maybe times just flies faster when you're caught in a whirlwind of activity.

To take stock of this week, I have to give glory to God for being faithful to answer my request to soften my heart and open my eyes to see things in his word. Have been reading Bob Sorge's "In His Face", a great worship-inspiring book. Read a chapter about hardened hearts (based on Jesus' parable of the sower) last Friday, and have been really convicted that my the soil of my heart is really very much like the stony ground. Passionate and quick to respond to the word, but lacking depth and roots, and ultimately doomed to fall. Am earnestly seeking God to break up the fallow ground of my heart.

With reference to the statement "whirlwind of activity".. It's strange. I'm having such a light semester that I'm having trouble adjusting to it. I used to not be able sleep hardly at all on Thursday nights, because I would be working on my weekly tome: the dreaded Clinical Experience Report. Last semester I had readings and homework due every single day..
This semester I actually have enough breathing space ot engage in and enjoy the learning process. I'm developing interest in the field of social psychology, and am relishing the new skills I'm building in New Testament Greek - reading the Bible in its original text opens up new breathtaking vistas of meaning and insight. It's so exciting!
Sometimes I feel guilty for having so much time.. But today I realized that God may be giving me all this free time to allow for me to seek Him. I really need to. My graduation looms closer and closer, while the time frame for initiating and completing the application process for grad school grows narrower and narrower with each day that passes. God knows I need His direction, and strength and grace to follow it.

Beside that, there's also a lot of growth going on in me. One of the fresh insights I've gained this week has been in the practical area of practice. I realized on Saturday that my attitude and skills in the area of practice (especially for music) are dismal. I'm so used to learning and catching and mastering things quickly, and thus get inpatient very easily when I practice. As a result, I lose the tremendous benefits of patient and consistent practice. For example, I'm trying to learn Claude Debussy's "Claire De Lune" (for piano) and John Mayer's "Neon" (for guitar). Both pieces have proven to be stubbornly unresponsive to my "quick wit." I am frustrated time and again at my failure to quicly learn and master those two songs. But I'm learning. Anna's patiently teaching me to be patient. Start slow. Focus on parts. Practice those parts. Pick up speed by increments. Start by getting all the notes, then throw in dynamics, and then feeling.
All commonsensical pointers that I regularly disregard in my "practice sessions" (which usually degenerate into impromptu jam sessions).
In any case, I'm learning. And I'm excited about it. :)

For Voice Class on Wednesday, I have to learn an Italian song called "Tu Lo Sai". It's an interesting little song sung by a very self-confident ladies' man who says to a lady: "Ask thy heart." In essence, he says, "You know you want me." =p

And on that note, I adjourn this blog until my next weekly update. =p Ciao!

Updates!

2007-09-14T11:46:00.000-07:00

Updates are looooooong overdue. A 2 month blogging hiatus is unacceptable. I hereby make amends in point form. Since I last blogged...

1. I got new shoes. From Fayetteville. The first pair of "real" Nikes that I've actually bought. $39 for a pair of white Nike Air basketball shoes. I love them to death.

2. I got my hair cut by a first-time hairdresser. One of the best haircuts I've ever gotten from someone with no professional training. Kudos, Anna, for actually listening to the customer's wishes. :)

3. I learned that when John told his disciples, "Look, the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world" (John 1:29), he was actually saying, "Look at the Lamb of God who is [right now] taking away [and putting on himself to bear] the sin of the world." This from a simple analysis of the layers of Greek semantics packed into the word "takes away" in that verse. I'm thankful for the opportunity that I have here to learn New Testament Greek.

4. I've finally started learning jazz songs. For those of you who don't know, I ardently desire to become a jazz pianist, but before last week, I had zero jazz songs in my repertoire. Go figure. That's changed tho. I've learned "Misty" and "Peace Piece" (Bill Evans), and am working on "Autumn Leaves" and "Somewhere Over the Rainbow."

5. Prayer meetings are growing!! It's exciting to see how God is moving on this campus.

6. I added "really-tasty-beef-semi-stew-with-onions-and-tomotoes" to my culinary repertoire.

7. I'm awestruck by how the Malaysian population on this campus has grown. We are now 22-strong, and a sizeable (and oftentimes vociferous) force on campus.

8. I got a grade changed from an A- to an A for one of my classes for last semester (Abnormal Psych) and can now give God glory for my first 4.0.

9. I've been driving like MAD. Made 3 trips to Little Rock airport and 2 trips to Fayetteville (running errands for Huy). And no one died. =p I did get a teensy bit lost tho.. But it turned out all right in the end, thanks to some cool nerves inherited from my beloved father, and to my co-driver Anna Yong's reticence from yelling, "What the heck is your problem??? WHY didn't you take that turning????". =p

10. I learned to play basketball. Yes, as shocking as that may seem, yesterday was the first time I actually learned how to shoot - from the legs, follow through with the arms, use the backboard, jump shots, etc. Many thanks to Susan Low (our resident freshman wonder-athlete) for taking 45 minutes of her time to patiently coach me. It's exciting to learn new things!!

11. I've learned to skip rocks. Yes, another new skill that I would expect me to already have under my belt. Cool, nonetheless, to watch a rock leave your fingers and skip across a body of water, thanks to fascinating mechanisms of physics I am unacquainted with.

12. I've been pressed with a growing realization of my own depravity and pride and abject need for God. May God continue working in me to develop the humble character of His Son. A life verse I have recently received has been from Matthew 11:28-30: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Many thanks to the Holy Spirit for opening my eyes to see the context of the verse: weariness and burden is a direct result of self-striving and selfishness and pride, the opposite of gentleness and humbleness of heart. Jesus invites us to adopt his mantle of humility and find the ease and lightness of that way of living.

13. I've been more active and outgoing this semester, spending time playing captainball on Sundays, swim parties, going out to lakes and mountains, playing racquetball (the American equivalent of squash), cycling. I've discovered that healthy eating and exercising naturally go together: the more I exercise, the less I am drawn to fatty foods and the less I tend to overeat. A neat little cycle that you might want to experiment with.

14. I'm beginning to look at post-baccelaureate options. As of now, I have a pretty good idea that God's direction is to go ahead to graduate school, so I'm working by faith on that assumption and searching for fields of psychology to specialize in and places to study at. At present, it looks like God's leading me to stay on in the States after graduation to pursue a PhD or PsyD. God's timing is weird (in a sense that it rarely ever fits our schedule) but perfect: I talked to Prof Jones last week, and found out they're just beginning to reach out and look for Universities to network with for internships and graduate school opportunities for U of O psych majors. I'm excited to see how He will lead and I will follow in the days to come.

Lifehouse's Everything Skit

2007-07-31T21:19:00.001-07:00

Great video of a skit done to a great song. Let God talk to you through it.
Anna Yong's written up a great commentary to this video. Read it here.

Why Indian Films Don't Win Oscars

2007-07-31T21:16:00.000-07:00

One of my buddies forwarded this to me. It's GOLDEN. Enjoy. =)

Our hero Balakrishna and his brother were captured by the baddies and they tied Balakrishna onto a chair...Those idiots didnt know that Balakrishna cannot be stopped by a simple chair...

Here is our hero's brother...The baddies tied him up too and fixed a time-bomb across his stomach...The bomb looks more like a pack of sausage rolls …..

Balakrishna sees some bullet shells lying on the floor...This means that the baddies had a gun...But they decided to use a time-bomb to give the 'finishing touch'...This is what i call 'Innovative Thinking'...

The shells triggered Balakrishna's brain (if any) and suddenly he has an idea...He throws himself onto the floor and starts moving towards the bullet shells...

Now, lets hv a look at the time-bomb...The timer(presumably a pager covered in plastic) is ticking...See the weird buttons on the bomb??...The red button is the On-Off button!!...Now, this is the world's first time-bomb with such a convenient on-off button...This is what i call a 'User-friendly Time-bomb'...Very easy to handle...Can b used even by infants...

Coming back to our hero, he is struggling to reach the shells...Look at his _expression...Seems like he is desperate to use the toilet!!...

Finally, he manages to reach the shells...He picks up a shell with his mouth as if it is Kappalandi...The viewers have no idea what the hell he is up to...Read on...

He concentrates with the shell between his teeth...Look at the sweat on his face...Gives an impression of how hard he is concentrating...With all his strength, he spits the bullet shell towards the bomb...

Loo and behold!!..The shell flies like a bullet through the air...Credit goes to Balakrishna here...He has the ability to make a shell work like a bullet...He can be a good asset to the Indian army...The shell reaches the time-bomb and hits exactly the green button!!...The time-bomb gets switched off!!...Balakrishna saves himself and his brother!!...

BRILLIANT!!!

Israel and New Breed - Alpha and Omega (Full Version)

2007-07-27T09:54:00.001-07:00

Please join me in worshiping our incomparable God after you thank Him for the gift of music.

repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand

2007-07-24T04:53:00.000-07:00

another great article. in conjunction with daily success, an outstanding 49-week email program from iblp that helps me meditate on the commands for christ and develop a habit of meditating on scripture. check it out!!!

Sin Will Surface

by Ken Pierpont

Our firstborn is an especially diligent young man. Even when he was just a lad you could count on him to attack a job and bring it to completion.

One summer afternoon I asked him to vacuum out the van. He eagerly ran, got the vacuum and an extension cord, and went to work. He did a great job, but that was not the end of the story. About six or eight days later, we noticed a very unpleasant odor. It was a mystery. We could not find it. At first, we thought it might have been a dead mouse or maybe road-kill out on the highway, but the stench just grew stronger every day.

I was forced to investigate. (If I recall correctly, my wife was considering going to visit her mother until I solved the mystery of the wretched odor.) I traced the odor to the west side of the house. We had an enclosed front porch. On the side farthest from the front door we had a huge chest-freezer full of meat. It was a little distance from the outlet, so to get power to the freezer we used an extension cord. We had only one extension cord. It was the one we used to vacuum the van.

When our boy finished his job he must have been distracted by the call of the creek or the flight of a butterfly. Maybe it was his dog or his brothers or sisters, or maybe the mail came and he was eager to get it in for Mom and Dad. Maybe I came along and asked him to mow the lawn. Maybe it was time for baseball practice. Maybe he could smell dinner cooking and was eager to eat. Whatever it was that distracted him, he forgot to plug the freezer back in.

At first no one knew. At first there was little harm and little damage. Our lives went on as usual. Eventually, though, the meat spoiled and ruined and rotted. The evidence of ruined meat was impossible to ignore.

At first the presence of unconfessed sin goes unnoticed. Life goes on in its normal way. But unconfessed sin can be compared to a freezer full of rotten meat “cooking” on the porch. You can ignore it, but it will not go away. Eventually, it will become the biggest thing in your life. Eventually, it will demand your attention. Eventually, it will dominate your life.

John the Baptist and the Lord Jesus came preaching repentance. I think Peter said it beautifully, “Repent and be converted that your sins will be blotted out and seasons of refreshing will come from the presence of the Lord.”

Repentance is like a fresh spring breeze that blows away the foul odor of sin. What a gift repentance is! Paul wrote, “… If God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will” (2 Timothy 2:25–26).

This evening, think on the rich privilege we have to repent. Think on what a gift repentance is. The Kingdom of Heaven is near at hand to you in your home tonight. It is as near as your eagerness to repent.

pics of my room

2007-07-21T12:09:00.001-07:00

aight. as promised, pics of my room are now available.. here.

what happened to all the pics??

2007-07-21T11:53:00.000-07:00

ok.. i confess this much: i dislike clutter. even e-clutter. in this case, e-clutter on my blog due to 16 million posts of 4 photos each. not the smartest way to share photos while avoiding dreaded e-clutter.
but i've been the undeserving recipient of a brainstorm idea.

picasa web albums.

yep. i'm creating web albums for your viewing pleasure, so you don't have to scroll like crazy down my blog to see what i saw in europe.

so, first installment of web albums are:

1) Brussels 1
2) London
3) Brussels 2

more are forthcoming. do enjoy, and feel free to comment.

*bows*

Great article - sedikit2 lama2 menjadi bukit

2007-07-21T08:54:00.001-07:00

heh. for my non-malaysian readers, that weird-looking 2nd part of the title is a classic malay proverb that warns (in direct translation): "a little after a while turns into a hill"
here's a great article with that general theme that has really blessed me. my prayer in sharing this here is that you will read it and be blessed with grace to respond to the truths in the article and apply it to your life. my prayer, really, is that you will join me in seeking to honor and love god with all of your being.

Fight the Little Foxes that Spoil the Vine

Terry K. Hagedorn

“Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines.” (Song of Solomon 2:15)

In Greenville, South Carolina, my elderly neighbor owned a lovely picket fence. The fence had a gorgeous ivy vine growing down its entire length. Although the vine grew from one main stalk, at approximately every other post, it had been carefully trained back into the ground by my neighbor.

One day my dog tunneled under that fence. He damaged the vine by his digging. A few days later I was shocked to see an entire section of the vine withered on the fence. I apologized to my neighbor. He kindly forgave us. Although he was very understanding, my wife and I felt terrible about the damage because it was a very long time before the vine reclaimed its beauty.

Every time I read Song of Solomon 2:15 (“Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines”), I am reminded of that huge vine and its little destroyer.

The lesson is, of course, that little, seemingly insignificant things can cause grossly disproportionate damage. We must guard ourselves against little foxes that do great harm to a Christian’s life.

A Little Laziness

“Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man.” (Proverbs 6:10, 11)

Laziness spoils the vine of industry and success. Ultimately, the lazy person will come to poverty. A little laziness grows bigger. The lazy person gets even lazier! This verse teaches that a little sleep-a nap-becomes a little slumber, and a little slumber becomes deep, almost catatonic, sleep.

Wake up! Get out of bed! Get busy-before it’s too late! You’ll be too poor to own a place or even a bed. Chase the little fox of laziness from your tender vines, or you’ll have no vines, no grapes, and no profit.

A Little Folly

“Dead flies cause the ointment of the apothecary to send forth a stinking savour: so doth a little folly him that is in reputation for wisdom and honour.” (Ecclesiastes 10:1)

A person who has a reputation for wisdom and honor can destroy that reputation by one off-color joke, one foolish deed, or one ungodly attitude. A moment’s mischief by one little fox of folly can outlast years and years of hard work.

One’s entire reputation can be destroyed overnight. Guard that vine. Do whatever it takes to keep the little foxes from your precious vine of reputation. It is easier to maintain a good reputation than to try to restore a sullied one.

Little Faith

“Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?” (Matthew 6:30)

Not only is it impossible to please God without faith (Hebrews 11:6), but the Lord is displeased by our little faith. And yet, the same Lord who is dismayed at our little faith is also the one who said that mustard-seed-sized faith can move mountains.

It seems that His displeasure is not so much with the size of our faith, but with the fact that we do not take advantage of those opportunities to increase our faith that His grace supplies. Faith comes by hearing the Word (Romans 10:17). Do you read God’s Word? Prayer can build us up in our faith (Jude 20). Do you pray?

Little Love

“Wherefore I say unto thee, Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little.” (Luke 7:47)

Little love, lost love, and leaving the first love are insults and affronts to the Lord. “Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love” (Revelation 2:4).

The love of Christ constrains us-not our love for Him but His love for us. The hymn says: “No one ever cared for me like Jesus.” I love Him because He cares for me. He demonstrated His great love in that He died for me.

Another hymn says: “My heart is thrilled, my heart is filled to think He died for me.”

Do you have little love? Jesus said that all the Law could be summed up in one command, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind” (Matthew 22:37). Today Jesus asks you and me, “Lovest thou me?” What is your answer? My answer is: “I love you, Lord Jesus.”

A Little Leaven

“Your glorying is not good. Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump?” (I Corinthians 5:6)

No one wants a little cancer, does he? Yet, people tolerate a little sin in their lives. Sin is cancer of the spirit. Cancer can destroy your life. Sin can destroy the soul. One malady is temporal; the other is eternal.

The insidious effect of one man’s sin spreads to others. “For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself” (Romans 14:7). We affect others. “Evil communication corrupts good manners” (I Corinthians 15:33). The West Virginia translation of that verse is: “If you lie down with dogs-you’re gonna’ get up with fleas!”

The Little Tongue

“Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.” (James 3:5, 6)

The tongue is a little member in the body. A dagger is small compared with a sword, but it can kill just as well.

In school, we catalogued all the kinds of sin recorded in the Bible. We were surprised to learn that there are more sins associated with the tongue (speech) than any other part of our being. These sins include blasphemy, lying, gossiping, cursing, and backbiting.

Among my many sins, some of the most regrettable have been things that I have said. The Lord has forgiven me. As He gives grace, I will praise Him.

Words hurt, don’t they? We should not teach our children: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” That is not true. I would much rather have been beaten with a club than to have had some things said about me.

A little match can burn down a forest. A little tongue can do irreparable damage to a life. Bite your tongue before it bites you.

Little Gratitude

“For who hath despised the day of small things?” (Zechariah 4:10)

Some people with a terminal disease feel that they actually have been given a great gift. Suddenly, the so-called little things become so much more important in their lives. They take time to smell the roses. They notice a beautiful sunset. They hear the birds singing. They savor every little nuance of life and are thankful for the privilege of enjoying them.

The wise relish family get-togethers. A birthday, an anniversary, or a holiday becomes more special. It’s not a stop-at-the-store-on-the-way-home-and-buy-a-three-dollar-card-and-a-cheap-box-of-chocolates type of day. It’s a let’s-make-a-memory type of day.

Many of the rest of us, like brute beasts, muddle through our lives to a sudden death, having never truly appreciated the little things. To the wise, little things mean so much! Let’s learn from the wise. May we praise God for everything including the so-called “small things.”

The Lord resents ingratitude (Romans 1:21). “In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (I Thessalonians 5:18). Have you ever done something for someone and then never received so much as a thank-you? It hurt, didn’t it? Don’t you know that it hurts the Lord when we are given so much every day and don’t thank Him?

Little foxes can and do spoil the vine. The little foxes in our spiritual life can do so much harm. Let’s “take . . . the foxes, the little foxes.” Let’s chase the little foxes from our lives before the vine is damaged and life’s tender grapes are destroyed-before it’s too late.

Today's Christian Preacher is the magazine for those involved in ministry and those training for ministry service who live in the United States. TCP won't help you preach a better sermon or build a larger ministry. It will help you in your personal life. For more information, call 1-800-588-7744.

© Right Ideas, Inc., 2005, www.rightideas.us

Find this article at: http://www.crosswalk.com/1363567/

selective piracy

2007-07-20T14:22:00.001-07:00

ok, picture this. help malaysian local music industry by only buying pirated "varieties" of foreign celebrities' cds. patrick calls this "selective piracy." sometime this year, patrick realized that celebrities are really that rich, and decided that they don't need to be earning that much money. in order to strike at them, patrick vowed to never buy original cds connected with those celebrities. however, he claims to support local music and small-time, up-and-coming talent by buying their original stuff, thereby giving them a much-needed push into viability.
patrick further claims that selective piracy can be gainfully employed to boost flagging local economies. it works the same way as buying protons to support the local automobile industry. by pirating foreign talent, and choosing to buy only original cds from local talent, we channel our hard-earned ringgit into the local economy, instead of further feeding the wanton greed of foreign celebrities.

interesting train of thought. responses?

a burning in my heart

2007-07-16T21:06:00.000-07:00

PHWOAH. madness!!! the very moment i was typing the title, starfield sung out from my speakers, "in my heart, in my heart, there's a fire burning..."
random cool bulu-roma-naik, shivers-up-my-spine moment.. heh. it's moments like this that make it easier to believe in a god that orchestrates the seemingly random movements of the cosmos in a master plan that includes our ultimate good and his ultimate glory.

anyway. that was certainly NOT what i intended to blog about. i sat down at this keyboard intending to say two things:
1) i'm sorry about the seemingly haphazard posting of photos. i don't like it either, but there's just so many good photos i want to share, and i am unfortunately not disciplined enough yet to sit down and sort it all out in one go. i'm working on it, tho. my next task is to add captions to the photos so you actually know what you're looking at. =p be patient with me, ya?
2) "blood diamond" is an AWESOME movie!!!! i just got back from huy's place. he, patrick, and i watched "blood diamond". it's difficult to sum up a movie like that in a few sentences, but i might as well try, in hopes that some of you will actually go and watch it. the basic thrust of the movie is aimed against "conflict diamonds", i.e., diamonds obtained from conflict-ridden countries who use the revenue from exporting diamonds to fund their internal wars. the plot is a rich tapestry tho: leonardo dicaprio's devil-may-care smuggler finds his heart instead of the diamond he practically gives his life for; djimon hounsou's (you probably know him as the african gladiator in "gladiator") fisherman fights tooth-and-nail to get his family back after it is torn apart by civil war, and his son is plucked by his father from a horrible fate as a child soldier; jennifer connelly's hard-nosed, idealistic journalist takes steps toward actually making a difference in africa.. those are the main sub-plots that i can think of, all spinning off the sparkly bling-bling stones that first-world people like on their fingers. we never learn, do we? makes me think of the sugar that some westerners in colonial days of yore enjoyed, oblivious or apathetic to the fact that families are torn apart and lives destroyed to produce the pleasure they enjoy in their fancy homes. noble message aside, i love the gritty realism of this movie. parents, be warned: there is much violence and profanity here. it does warrant an "R" rating. but there's no sex - not even a kiss!! (i love that!!). but the movie needs that, i think. the violence hits the message home, and the profanity reminds you that it's not make-believe. i also love the camera work, and the dialogue, and the way the plot moves and the characters develop (especially dicaprio's). i wholeheartedly recommend this movie to anyone who falls within the "R" rating sphere of allowability. let it stir a burning in your heart. let it remind you, as it did me, that there is MUCH suffering in a world that desperately heaves and groans for jesus to come and heal it. and most of all, let it move you off your seat to live beyond bills and ipods and cars and girlfriends/boyfriends, to live for something, nay, someONE, bigger than yourself.

there. those were the "two things" that i wanted to say. i now need to hit the sack, for tomorrow, at 7am, i work hard under the hot summer sun.

god bless you, all.

long overdue update

2007-07-15T14:23:00.000-07:00

ok this is pitiful. the last time i published anything to this blog was june 15th. this truly is a constipated blog.
i shall spare you the boring details of my extended hiatus. instead, here's a point-form summary of the large space between june 15th and the present:

1) i had a BLAST in europe with my family and am closer to them than ever
2) i am now back in clarksville working for grounds on campus. we tend everything that grows and is glad, and kill anything that grows and is grumpy. =p it's been interesting. since i started last tuesday, i've:

pulled weeds
cleaned bird poop off benches
driven a john deere gator and a kawasaki mule
used a blower to clean pavements
helped to uproot 3 small pine trees
learned to use a weed-eater (for malaysian readers, think of the long pole-like apparatus used by the ninja-like grass-cutters)

3) i REALLY miss my family
4) i've moved out of huy's apartment and am now back on campus, living in the basement of maclean. i vowed not to get too comfortable cos i'm going to have to move again to my proper room on the third floor in early august, but i failed to restrain myself and am now immensely comfortable in this lovely room. pictures are forthcoming.
5) i went to the transcend 1.0 conference (by the international worship institute) in dallas, TX. i met god there. i rediscovered true worship: pure seeking of god, independent of man-made forms or fashions. i also rediscovered that i am african-american at heart. the musicianship at the conference was par excellence, and made surpassingly beautiful by the pure and passionate hearts that offered their exemplary talents in worship to an Audience of One. i had the privilege of worshipping with david baroni, lindell cooley, tim hughes (loved how he just walked off the stage toward the end to let god have his way), shane & shane (AMAZING WORSHIP - there was such an awesome visitation of the glory of god when they led worship. god really uses humility and transparency and unpretentiousness, which really marked this pair from dallas. two guitars, two vocalists, and a number of songs later, everyone was on their knees and faces before the indescribable god of the universe. made me think of the time in the bible when the glory of god was so heavy in temple/tabernacle that the priests could not perform their duties), tommy walker, and martha munizzi among others. i got to be part of the choir that sang with tommy walker, and also martha munizzi. i enjoyed both very much, but i have to say that i felt most alive in the choir with martha munizzi. i felt like every fiber of my being was pulsing with joy and love and passion for god. we also received powerful words from god, one notable one being a masterful exposition of the crucial and sobering role of worship leaders in ministering to the Bride of Christ and enhancing their love relationship with the Bridegroom.

anyways, that's all i can think of for now. i'm working on sifting through the thousands (literally!!) of pictures we took while in europe so i can put them up on this blog. pictures are forthcoming, i promise.

for now, i gotta whip up some dinner. olive oil+garlic+spam+eggs+green cabbage+ramen=joel's fried noodles.
ciao!!

out of rome!!

2007-06-15T17:20:00.000-07:00

thank god!! and thanks to those who prayed.
we managed to get a flight out of rome with alitalia airlines in time to get the car from charleroi airport and will still be able to make it for our booking in salzburg.
we are SO relieved to be out of rome. the history in the city is astounding, but we've gone through so much *bad* drama in the city before, during, and at the end of our trip there that we were elated when our flight out of rome left the airport. phew!!

anyways, just a short shout-out to let everyone know that we're safe and on schedule (though RM2000 poorer thanks to the Ministry of Equipment Transport Union (MET) who are responsible for the organized strike at the airport which precipitated much of the drama today).

we're SO going to be in heaven in austria and beyond... =p

stuck in rome

2007-06-14T14:10:00.000-07:00

please pray for us as we are possibly stuck in rome due to a last minute strike action in the brussels south airport we are supposed to be flying into.
thanks!!

Some updates from Europe

2007-06-11T14:59:00.000-07:00

There's a simmering mix of thoughts and emotions in my head and heart at the mo.. I think that picture above (taken at the Malaysia Week festival in the Covent Gardens, London) is a fairly accurate picture of the mix in my head. I'm:

1) Missing Malaysia and "home" (i.e., Penang) even more now that I'm with my family and out of Malaysia
2) *Surprisingly* missing good old Clarksville, Arkansas, where I don't have to worry about pickpockets and touters and traffic jams and stuffy public transport
3) Having some "self-digestion" problems as new thoughts about myself and my family come to the surface
4) Physically tired (as evidenced by my slouched body position) from traveling at unearthly hours (we leave for Rome at 4am tomorrow morning) and endless walking and being a tourist

Of course, this picture is not complete. I am also:

1) Enjoying Europe immensely
2) Treasuring the time I get to spend with my family
3) Seeing and experiencing God in new ways
4) Raring to see and experience more of Europe

Pictures are forthcoming, though they may only come in 2-3 weeks' time.. We'll be in Rome till Friday, and then be in Salzburg, Vienna, and Paris for a week or so before spending our final week (end of July) in the Netherlands.

I would appreciate prayers for safety - for us and our belongings - in Rome.

I'm off!!

2007-06-02T18:49:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving Clarksville for Europe in less than 7 hours!!
Incidentally, I'll also have a 7-hour layover in Newark, NJ before I get to Brussels.. to finally see my parents again!! *happy*

Just thought I'd throw that out, plus it's been almost a month since I've posted anything. I'm not dead, in case some were wondering. =p Hehe..

Stay tuned for more snapshots from El, Inc. in weeks to come - exciting news about Europe!! =)

Ocean Of Fire-Ctrl+Alt+Del

2007-05-15T16:14:00.001-07:00

i hereby announce my intention to shamelessly promote my amazing Malaysian friends: Ocean of Fire, comprising John (Bass), Chiat (Rhythm Guitars), Kelvyn (Lead Guitars), and Scully (Drums). enjoy!

how silly i am!!

2007-05-09T19:24:00.000-07:00

joellllll... there is NO A- in business stat!!! o_0
huy was messing with me...
actually, i got an A in the class, so...

happy la!! =)

the insights outlined in the previous post are still good tho.. best of both worlds? learn how to respond well to failure, on top of getting an A in the end!! hehe.. *hugs daddy*

rhema in action!!

2007-05-09T13:10:00.000-07:00

i just learned that i got an A- in business stat. felt the familiar wave of moodiness and frustration start to break on my shores, then holy spirit helped me in answer to my prayers..

isaiah 30:15

"...in repentance and rest is your salvation; in quietness and trust is your strength.."
in repentance.. change behavior: learn to be more neat and conscientious. appearances matter in many circumstances. learn to accomodate instructors and professors, adapt to their styles, especially if you don't like them. =p
and rest... rest in god: be assured that you will meet with success if you change your behavior.. allow yourself to enter the father's embrace.. cast your cares upon him, for he cares for you.. =)
in quietness... dun complain!!! =p
and trust... trust god to work things out for you.. all things work out for good for those who love him and are called according to his purpose..

god's word is awesome!! =) shield of faith and sword of the spirit can really do some SERIOUS harm to the enemy's cause.
try it! =D

drum roll...chiang!!! only one more test to go!!

2007-05-09T09:44:00.000-07:00

so happy!! i just smoked my business stat final. god really helped me understand and remember all the stuff we needed to remember.
it's been a good finals week la.. god has really been faithful. i was telling huy and anna yesterday that this sem's finals have been my least stressful one yet.. surprising, since i do have quite a few ~~killer~~ challenging classes - clinical experience, american national government, business stat, criminal psych, abnormal psych, ~~feminist approaches to literature~~ women in literature.. all classes i actually have to work in..
but things have been well.. grades are good, and i expect nothing less than As (A minuses count too!!).. but see how la.. whatever my results, it has been a good semester, and i've actually learnt things.
i give all credit to god la - my resolution to please god with my schoolwork has largely been kept, again, by the grace of god..
god is good!!

do pray for me for my last final tomorrow - women in literature. going to study a bit now, then work as a writing tutor from 1-4pm.

bye2!!

for those who care..

2007-05-08T20:35:00.000-07:00

i know ~~kung fu~~ stats..

i'm supposed to be studying for my stat final tomorrow. however, i do not feel like studying sampling errors, confidence intervals, and calculating random sample sizes at the moment. therefore, i have wasted 15 minutes of my life applying statistics to my life - specifically, i did some statistical assessments of my clinical experience reports. summaries of my findings follow:

out of fourteen (14) fifty (50) point weekly clinical experience reports:

the mean grade was 46.2/50
the median grade was 46.5/50
there was no true mode
the range of variation was 4 points

when factoring in the grade on my final clinical experience report (93.5/100), my overall grade based solely on clinical experience reports is 92.5%
on my final clinical experience report (including 24 individual notes, such as progress notes and summaries of information and skills acquired during the semester):

total pages written: 97
mean pages written for individual notes: 4
median value for pages written for individual notes: 4
mode value for pages written for individual notes: 2
range of variation: 10 pages

as you can clearly see, i ~~have lost my marbles~~ know stats. =p i think, however, that i should now go and do some *real* studying for my stat final. do pray for me. only 2 more finals to go (including stat), then i'm FREE!! yea!!! =)

the life of a college student

2007-05-06T22:37:00.000-07:00

the trials of sleep deprivation.. picture courtesy of huy do

god IS bigger than red bull

2007-05-06T21:17:00.000-07:00

yep yep yep.
it's official. not that it's not been true before, but..
yeah.

my god is so BIG, so strong and so MIGHTY, there's nothing my god cannot do.. for YOU!

i finished that paper i was talking about. turned it in on time, too. that humanly impossible assignment was made possible through prayer and grace. undeniably. even huy has to admit that it's kind of "weird" and doesn't make sense. i told him that i finished it because jesus helped me. so cool that i'm really able to say that with utter confidence, knowing that it's not me at all, but christ who lives in me..

god is UBER cool!!

be praying for more cool testimonies like these in the days to come.. that i would surrender and allow christ to live through me and thereby bring great renown and acclaim to the matchless name of our DADDY!!!

god is bigger than....

2007-05-03T22:15:00.000-07:00

the air i breathe..
the world we'll leave..
god will save the day, and all will say, my glorious!

god is bigger than.. RED BULL energy drink!!
i have to pull an all-nighter tonight. for real. there's no way around it. 24 summaries to write for my final clinical experience report within the span of 8-9 (effective) working hours (assuming that i want to turn my paper in on time). you do the math. it's humanly impossible. plus, i'm sleep deprived.
but his grace is sufficient for me - i believe!! i mentioned to thomas bergman at dinner that i believe god would affect my body the same way that a red bull energy drink could - give me energy and strength and alertness to fly through the night.
i believe!!

even huy is willing to admit that me finishing this paper in time would be a miracle - it is truly rationally and humanly impossible. but god is BIGGER THAN [insert ginormous object/obstacle]!!!

i'm praying for a miracle. pray with me ya? here's a chance for god to get a whole bunch of glory, and for ppl to see how truly AMAZING and out of this world he is..

anyways, for now, it's OFF TO WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEE-YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

*charges at final report with bagpipes droning and screaming in the background*

more random news

2007-04-29T17:35:00.000-07:00

i have shaved off (the beginnings of) my beard. =(
couldn't stand it anymore - it felt weird, and looked terrible (IMHO).
my male friends are disappointed, while many of my female friends are relieved. here i have observed major gender differences in attitudes toward facial hair in males.

there is only ONE MORE WEEK OF CLASSES remaining before finals.

my first all-nighter of the semester

2007-04-26T23:26:00.000-07:00

amazing, considering that i have 2 stephenson classes this sem.. only now am i pulling my first all-nighter. i remember last spring semester all-nighters were common-place.
anywho.

i've got my trusty music playing, and have an even trustier packet of mamee instant noodles (compliments of anna yong) for a break later.

i'm pulling an all-nighter to finish my last "regular" clinical experience report, and perhaps (if i have the energy) do the homework for my american national government class.

if you're reading this, pray for strength and efficiency and grace.

godspeed, EL. godspeed.

my budding beard..

2007-04-24T21:13:00.000-07:00

As promised. Sparse, I know. And that's 3 weeks' worth of stubble. But it's plodding along nicely, all right. What think ye?

I'm still alive!!

2007-04-23T13:28:00.000-07:00

Yeah, this is going to be a short post, you should be able to tell from the title.
My sincere apologies for vanishing from the blogosphere these past few weeks. Priorities, y'know? =p
No, really. Sem's winding up to a sparkling, stress-inducing, explosive, spectacular finish. Two papers due this week. One book to read for tomorrow (which I haven't started yet). Student recitals (music) Wednesday night.
God's been good la. Cancelled classes at just the right time, fun times with friends..

Some random news:
1) I picked up and almost wore underwear while meaning full well to put on some socks. Textbook example of a brain fart (and the dire consequences of chronic sleep deprivation =p).
2) I'm *attempting to* grow a beard. Pictures are forthcoming (when the beard actually becomes more than marginally visible)
3) God has blessed me with a new roommate for next sem (Huy's moving out to take care of his cousin and sister who are coming here for exchange programs before college): Liew Keen Seong. We're both Psych majors and Music minors. And Malaysians. Woo-hoo!!
4) There will be THIRTEEN Malaysians living in Maclean dorm next sem. o_0 (Not to mention the *estimated* 20+ more incoming Malaysian freshmen)
5) I successfully (with rave reviews from our Malaysian peer reviewers) collaborated with Anna Yong to make steamed herbal chicken for Ben Eakin birthday party. Ben is a friend of ours who had the brilliant idea of inviting all the Malaysian students to his house to cook for him for his birthday. Pure genius. The food was breathtakingly AMAZING. Oh my goodness.
6) I bought a 2GB SD card for -$0.05. Yes, you read that right. I got money for it. One word: Buy.com.
7) I got a 154 out of a possible 144 for an Abnormal Psych test.
8) I got a 98% on my last Business Stat test.

That's all for now. Gotta go do some treatment planning for a client, then rush to finish homework for Abnormal Psych.

Prayer request: freaking DISCIPLINE (sourced from Grace, of course - which translates to praying for proper reception of Grace) to spend time with and enjoy God especially in this time of busyness and stress. "Don't let my love grow cold, I'm calling out: Light the fire again!"

Team Hoyt

2007-04-08T20:13:00.001-07:00

Here's the context of me watching this video..

I was tired, unmotivated to study for an unwanted test, proud...?

Anna shared this video with me.

I am humbled and inspired.

And I am now motivated to study. =p

There truly are great men in the world, and those great men are ordinary men who are spurred by God-given desires to do ordinary things.. To extraordinary extents.

And God truly does speak. Even through YouTube. =p

Bless His name. =)

Update!!

2007-04-07T08:10:00.000-07:00

WOW. It has been awhile. My last post was on March 16th? *shakes head and bows in apology*

Here are some updates in point form:

I did NOT get wasted with drunk girls over Spring Break. I went for tour with the Ozarks Chorale, Chamber Singers, and Handbells Choir during Spring Break. I thoroughly enjoyed the thrill of performing, and the company of my fellow musicians over the course of 5 days. Between performances, we had lots of time to sightsee and enjoy Texas, so I had the chance to snap a LIBRARY of pictures. Good times.. ;) Here are some pictures:

Me. ;p

Samantha Puent

Anna Yong.. Contemplative?

In a host home: Robyn with a real live telegraph.

In San Antonio: Lily - a Chinese adopted girl. Precious.

Group pic at the end of Tour, back in good old Clarksville.

WAH. That's a lot of pictures! Phew.

I have been working like a horse in Clinical Experience Class. Averaging 10-12 hours of work a week for 1 hour of college credit. o_0 Good experience tho.
I went home with James Wesson to witness his baptism, and got the chance to watch a St Louis Cardinals' baseball game (against the Cleveland Indians) in Memphis. Good times..

Erm. For criminal psych, I had to read and review a book about a serial killer - Donald "Pee Wee" Gaskins. SICK, SICK man who killed 110 people, mostly girls, mostly involving sadistic sex. God have mercy on his soul..
I have a "B" in Business Stat, an "A" in American National Government, and I'm passing the rest of my classes (cos my professors are either unable or unwilling to post my midterm grades).
I think I now function best with 6-7 hours of sleep.
I have discovered that I am a morning person.
I planned my first service for First Baptist Clarksville. I now appreciate the enormous amount of work that goes into a worship service (e.g., putting up songs on Worshipplanning for people to listen to and practice, finding and uploading lead sheets and chord charts), and feel a small sense of delight for being given the privilege of giving up time for my Daddy. =)
The end of the semester is coming!!
Huy (my excellent roommate) is moving out next semester to take care of his sister who's coming over from Vietnam for an exchange program.
Huy is taking us (me, Anna, Kathy, and Sam) to his host family's home today for some grilled chicken, fun, food, and fellowship.
God is seriously SUPER KENG!! He is a really amazing Daddy who takes care of His kids. Had the chance to be used by God during a recent prayer walk organized by FBC. Anna and I had the rare privilege of being an answer to a woman's prayers. I lazy to type up the story again (=p), so here's Anna's bloggy about that cool moment:

"It was a hot Saturday afternoon, and me and Joel were almost done with our route for our church’s Prayer Walk.

We spent 1 1/2 hours before that praying for the families and hanging door-hangers on the doors of different homes along College Avenue. That was our church’s way to show Clarksville how much we really love and care for them..

We only had two more houses down our road, but we had a little more than two door-hangers with us. We saw some apartment houses to our left, which was also off our route. We stopped to decide whether or not to pray for those apartments as well.

Well, there’s always no harm praying. So we decided to go ahead and hang the extra door-hangers there. We stopped after the 5th apartment. There wasn’t enough for the two more houses on our original route. Joel decided to continue hanging whatever extra door-hangers we had, and I called up the rest of the people on our team for more door-hangers.

Joel passed by an open door while he was hanging the last of our door-hangers, and he decided to pop in and give it to the lady in there personally.

“Hi! This is for you, and so that you know, we just prayed for you and your family. Have a good day!”

Not long after we left, a lady came running up to us..

“Hey, I was thinking.. Could you pray for me now? I’m from Texas, and I’m here in Clarksville to visit my sister. All our money just got stolen, and I don’t know how we are going to get back home. Things have been tough on me. My husband left my and my three kids about 5 months ago.. We were married 11 years..”

Her name was Delisa. Joel prayed for her.

She thanked us after the prayer. And it was then I found myself reaching into my wallet to give her my last $10. She started crying..

“I don’t know how to thank the two of you.. I was not brought up in a very religious family. I did attend a Pentecostal church before I married my husband, after that, I hardly ever went to church anymore. You know, right before you two came up to our door, I was praying to God, asking Him to send someone to help us. And then you came..”

Joel gave her another $20; we hugged her, mentioned that our church would be there if she needed any extra help, and then continued on our way.

God is so cool.

It was not us who touched Delisa’s life that day. It was God. We were merely used by Him to bless her life.." (Anna Yong, Exaggerated Tales, 2007)

God also takes care of us by protecting our lives - one of my friends on campus was attacked by his roommate with a knife, but survived fairly admirably (needless to say, his roommate is no longer here - was expelled). He also cancels classes when His kids are drowning in work and crying out for relief, and plays nice songs on media player shuffles to bring comfort and healing to his hurting children. God is SO COOL.

Here's a cool hymn to chew on (part of my time with God this morning - He is SUPER KENG!!

O FOR A CLOSER WALK WITH THEE

William Cowper

1 O for a closer walk with God, A calm and heavenly frame; A light to shine upon the road That leads me to the Lamb!

2 Where is the blessedness I knew, When first I saw the Lord? Where is the soul refreshing view Of Jesus and his word?

3 What peaceful hours I once enjoyed! How sweet their memory still! But they have left and aching void The world can never fill.

4 Return, O holy Dove, return, Sweet messenger of rest! I hate the sins that made thee mourn, And drove thee from my breast.

5 The dearest idol I have known, Whateer that idol be, Help me to tear it from thy throne, And worship only thee.

6 So shall my walk be close with God, Calm and serene my frame; So purer light shall mark the road That leads me to the Lamb.

This is my prayer, and I hope it is yours too. Taste and see that God is GOOD. =)

Chao.

Pix: Colors of Spring

2007-03-15T12:47:00.000-07:00

Do worship with me as we take in the beauty of the Father's creation. Look for beauty all around you! Stop and smell the roses, for real.. He deserves our attention and adoration. ;)

The answer!!

2007-03-12T09:25:00.000-07:00

"They traveled from Mount Hor along the route to the Red Sea, to go around Edom. But the people grew impatient on the way; they spoke against God and against Moses, and said, "Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the desert? There is no bread! There is no water! And we detest this miserable food!" Then the LORD sent venomous snakes among them; they bit the people and many Israelites died. The people came to Moses and said, "We sinned when we spoke against the LORD and against you. Pray that the LORD will take the snakes away from us." So Moses prayed for the people. The LORD said to Moses, "Make a snake and put it up on a pole; anyone who is bitten can look at it and live." So Moses made a bronze snake and put it up on a pole. Then when anyone was bitten by a snake and looked at the bronze snake, he lived." Numbers 21:4-10

"Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life." John 3:14

Wow.

Thank you Jesus for these incredible truths, contained in one JUICY rhema, a word in season so desperately needed..
I will look to you, the bronze snake, lifted up on a cross for me, that I might Live.. I beg you to help me keep my eyes on you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I cling to you..

[So] Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross. . . Hebrews 12:2

Tired and discouraged..

2007-03-12T08:40:00.000-07:00

I got a 45/50 for my last Clinical Experience Report. Discouraged because it was the longest Report I've ever turned in, and I made a lower grade on it than my other reports. And I had so much to report and evaluate - I was overwhelmed that week.. Feeling very down now and very incompetent after reading all of Dr. Stephenson's comments splashed in red ink over the pages of my report like so much blood after a messy murder.. Excuse the morbid language - I'm in a bad mood.
So much to do, so much to do.. So much to learn, improve on.. So little progress?
Discouraged...

*sighs*

I guess I'm reacting this way because I'm physically tired, and I'm focusing too much on the things that I have to do this week.. God, give me strength - I'm desperately in need of whatever help I can get. I'm in over my head.. And it's only the beginning of the week.. *dies*

I need Christ. *goes into closet to pray*

Pray for me if you get a chance - Heaven knows I need it.

Lazy to blog lah!!

2007-03-07T09:45:00.000-08:00

Wah, long time never update dy. Seriously lazy to blog dy la!! So many things to do!! I know for a fact that I have enough time to get everything done with aplomb, but I'm stressed because I'm so disorganized. I've got three books to critically review before April is over, and I have midterms next week, and I've got a SUPER big Clinical Experience Report to write up for this week, AND I've got a client for Clinical Experience and a meeting with the Chaplain and others for Christian Emphasis week, AND I've got rehearsal tonight for leading worship this weekend, AND the Choir is leading worship in First Presbyterian this Sunday, AND I've got to plan for another client this Friday, AND I've got to freaking HURRY UP AND BUY MY AIR TICKET to Brussels for the summer (don't worry, mummy and daddy - I finally got all my money in my account - I will definitely buy the ticket today)...
PHEW.

Need to release some stress. Just got done studying for a Business Stat test I'm taking at 1pm. Now need to prepare for tonight's rehearsal a bit, practice for voice lessons, then hopefully get some of my CER done.

All of my strength is in YOU!!! :)
God is seriously good lah. Really, in the midst of all this seemingly insane busyness, I'm cocooned in a quiet haven of REST with the King of Kings!! He's always with me, and I can rant to Him anytime and receive grace and strength from Him and through others. God is good!! :)

Oklah. Better go dy. Off to war! Carpe diem!! If you can, please pray that I won't fall into the temptation to take another nap today - just took a 15-minute one just now.. Thank you!!

Bye bye.

*scurries off*

Fun with Bokeh!

2007-03-03T08:55:00.000-08:00

I have discovered the joys of bokeh!! :) Enjoy..

More portraits: Kathy Erickson

2007-02-23T09:32:00.000-08:00

Pix: The process of democracy

2007-02-17T16:18:00.000-08:00

Taken at an Alpha & Omega (Christian Fellowship) Officers' Meeting. Can't remember what we were discussing. ;p

I can only imagine..

2007-02-17T13:42:00.000-08:00

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose imagination is stayed on Thee. Isaiah 26:3

Is your imagination stayed on God or is it starved? The starvation of the imagination is one of the most fruitful sources of exhaustion and sapping in a workers life. If you have never used your imagination to put yourself before God, begin to do it now. It is no use waiting for God to come; you must put your imagination away from the face of idols and look unto Him and be saved. Imagination is the greatest gift God has given us, and it ought to be devoted entirely to Him. If you have been bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, it will be one of the greatest assets to faith when the time of trial comes, because your faith and the Spirit of God will work together. Learn to associate ideas worthy of God with all that happens in Nature--the sunrises and the sunsets, the sun and the stars, the changing seasons, and your imagination will never be at the mercy of your impulses, but will always be at the service of God" (Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest).

Is that all you got??

2007-02-17T13:29:00.000-08:00

¹⁰ "Now then, just as the LORD promised, he has kept me alive for forty-five years since the time he said this to Moses, while Israel moved about in the desert. So here I am today, eighty-five years old! ¹¹ I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I'm just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then. Joshua 14:6-11

WOW. That inspires me so. WAAAAAHHH!!!! I want that so badly.. I want to be able to say after 45 years, "Yup. God kept me alive. I am still as strong today as when I first started, just as vigorous to go out to battle. I'm still going strong - bring it on!!"

FUH.

Resonates in me. God, keep me faithful. Keep me focused. Keep me fixed on You, the source of my strength. In You I will have complete and enduring victory in all that I do, that You will be glorified as my Sustainer and Loving Father.

Esse quam videri

2007-02-17T00:00:00.000-08:00

In order to say something beautifully, you must first have something beautiful to say.

Put wind in your sails, walk to your talk, action behind your faith, Joel.

Sure, sometimes you may get away with an elegantly written paper that really says nothing at all. And sometimes you may fool yourself and others, and think you do God too, when you "play church." You may think that telling someone you'll pray for them and then not praying is ok.

WRONG.

Faith without works is dead. God so loved that He gave... He backed up His claims with graphic action on the cross.
I'm trying to follow Christ, so it's probably a good idea for me to try and at least imitate what He does - being real. What does that mean for me? I think it means at least 2 things:

Admit when I mess up. Don't waste valuable resources trying to cover up. Just bring it out into the light so it can be worked on.
Make sure that I have real things to say, beautiful things to say when I want to say something beautifully. This will require (gasp! horrors!) planning.

Put wind in your sails, yeh? Aight, time to go to bed then. Wake up in the morning and love God so much that I give and spend the morning with Him - back up my claim that I love Him.

*scurries off and dives into bed*

p.s. in case you were wondering what the funky title meant, esse quam videri is Latin for "to be, rather than appear."

The rejuvenation of the human soul

2007-02-11T15:13:00.000-08:00

Basking in the glorious beauty of a masterpiece sunset..

A refreshing weekend spent with dearly loved friends..

And of course, taking pictures. =)

STRESSED

2007-02-09T12:57:00.000-08:00

*WARNING: El is about to messily pour forth the bowels of his thoughts and emotions*

WAHHHH!!!! So stressed la just now!! Super stressed la seriously!! So many attachments to organize in my super-long Clinical Experience Report!! FUH.
Sumore I made the mistake of choosing to finish off the Report instead of studying more for my Business Stats test. I know I messed up on at least one problem. *sighs*
Oh well. Learn from mistakes la. :)
Just thought I'd let out some steam. Hehe. =p

On another note, God is AMAZING!! Had a test for American National Government with Dr. Parks today, and he allowed us to TYPE our exam!! Those of you who know the speed difference between my handwriting and my typing know what that means to me, also considering the fact that Parks' tests are exclusively short answer/essay, and are slated for 50 minutes. Needless to say, I feel really good about the test. *pumps fist*

Ah, also been having to CRY OUT to God for physical (and mental and emotional) strength to deal with my workload this sem. While I do recognize that I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed and burnt out at times, I also recognize that what I'm going through is but a taste of what others have to go through, so I shall not complain on my soapbox. That is not my purpose here. My purpose here is to make sure everyone knows just how FANTABULOUS our Heavenly Father is. You know that passage in Isaiah 40? Here, read it again:

10 See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power,
and his arm rules for him.
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.

11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
or weighed the mountains on the scales
and the hills in a balance?

13 Who has understood the mind ^[d] of the LORD,
or instructed him as his counselor?

14 Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him,
and who taught him the right way?
Who was it that taught him knowledge
or showed him the path of understanding?

15 Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket;
they are regarded as dust on the scales;
he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust.

16 Lebanon is not sufficient for altar fires,
nor its animals enough for burnt offerings.

17 Before him all the nations are as nothing;
they are regarded by him as worthless
and less than nothing.

18 To whom, then, will you compare God?
What image will you compare him to?

19 As for an idol, a craftsman casts it,
and a goldsmith overlays it with gold
and fashions silver chains for it.

20 A man too poor to present such an offering
selects wood that will not rot.
He looks for a skilled craftsman
to set up an idol that will not topple.

21 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?

22 He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads them out like a tent to live in.

23 He brings princes to naught
and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.

24 No sooner are they planted,
no sooner are they sown,
no sooner do they take root in the ground,
than he blows on them and they wither,
and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.

25 "To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.

26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.

27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

(Isaiah 40:10-31)

WAH. Good ya? Hehe.. Had personal LIVE experience with the last portion of this passage man.. From Wednesday to Friday.. Woke up on Wednesday morning positively BUSHED and drained.. Dragged myself to prayer meet, and was TOTALLY REJUVENATED. Trusted God to provide strength, and He DID.
You should try it!! :)

Also, if you're a Christian reading this, do pray for Huei Yin, a friend of mine - pray that our Father show what a loving, healing God He is to her by healing her skin of eczema. A fabulous opportunity for us to show off our INCOMPARABLE God!! Pray with me ya?

*bows*

Winter snapshots and news

2007-02-04T19:49:00.000-08:00

As promised, here are some more photos and news from recent events. Here's my favorite photo (subjects are Anna and Robyn)...

...taken on a lovely walk down the Spadra trail..

...to a lovely lunch at Waffle House.

We made a seated snowman after the walk and lunch.

Here are some of my favorite photos taken with the snowman.

Led worship in First Baptist today. God was AMAZING - the energy and passion and worship was just off the charts. I left church that day on a spiritual high. I feel like today's services were an additional confirmation to me about my calling to a ministry as a lead worshipper. Will continue to pray and submit to Father's leading. If you're reading this and have the time, do drop a line for me and "remind" Father to keep me close to Him and open and receptive to His leading.
This sem's getting busier and busier - my schedule's going to get more packed once I start seeing clients for my Clinical Experience Class. I'm trying to work hard for my classes, keep up with readings for class, and put my best into my work. I want my schoolwork this year to be a cause for Father to smile. ;-)
I guess that's all for now.. Till next time, stay tuned for more snapshots from El!

p.s. A "deep" post is forthcoming. Have been drowned in insights and revelations this past week and weekend. *excited to share*

Snow!!

2007-02-03T09:07:00.000-08:00

It SNOWED yesterday, and it's still snowing (at least a little bit) today! Classes got cancelled, and I've been out romping in the snow with good friends, making great memories and thanking Father for Life! More pictures to come!

More portraits!

2007-01-30T21:35:00.000-08:00

Barbara Lindstrom - International Studies Office Manager - taken while waiting for my Driver's License test - which I PASSED, btw!! ;p I am now licensed to drive in the United States. *laughs evilly*

Zack Wingate - Making Music

Tan Huei Yin - brightening up the Computer Lab

Bleak Winter

2007-01-30T21:32:00.000-08:00

Amazing what sorts of images shadows can convey. What does this picture say to you?