About a week ago, I got an email invitation to the University of Pittsburgh's interview weekend. It's hard to convey the incredible joy I felt when I got that news! I'd been wrestling on and off with self-esteem issues, obsessively thinking that my application and preparation was inadequate, making "in case no one accepts me" plans, etc. It was very calming to hear some warm words and concrete evidence for my dense soul that God is indeed in control. :)
So, with graduate school now a very firm possibility, I've been doing more and more thinking about my future, both short-term and long-term. If I go to Pittsburgh, I need to look for a church to plug into, I need to find a place to live, etc. These things affect Anna, too, cos with more concrete possibilities she's been looking at schools and options in Pittsburgh. I also learned that applying to the Center for the Neural Basis of Cognition (joint Pitt/CMU venture) is still a possibility. I really want to, and I think the only thing holding me back is my assessment of my competence. Because students of the mind who ignore the brain will quickly get left behind; too much is happening in cognitive and computational neuroscience for me to lightly pass this opportunity by. I'd like to put myself in the strongest possible position to contribute after my PhD to both knowledge of the mind and the advancement of knowledge and learning in Malaysia.
Dealing more intimately with the details of experimental design, ethics, and the IRB is giving me more of a realistic taste of what my life will probably be like in the next 4-5 years. Lots of hard work, lots of time put in, but oh how I love it! :) I have increasingly more confidence that this is what God made me for.
Working harder on controlling my finances has also helped me to see how my money flows, what I tend to spend money on, how much I need to live comfortably, etc. Makes me think of the possibility of marriage while in graduate school, and how we would go about it financially. With all the possible variability, we know for sure that it won't be easy. But God has also shown Himself faithful in providing for us, usually just enough so we know that He's there, but not so much that we get complacent. We're so grateful to Him for His loving provision as our Father. :)
It's weird for me, thinking so concretely about what to do after graduation. It's yet to sink in for me that this is my last semester at Ozarks. 4 years of liberal arts education, somewhat sheltered from the harsh winds of adult life.. In May, I will (God willing) walk to receive my diploma, and then... Who knows? God knows, for sure, and I think I have some ideas, but.. It's going to be an interesting journey, with lots of hard work and sweat, tears, and joy in store..
Through all this, my prayers remain the same:
Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom (Ps 90:12)
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days (Ps 90:14)
May the beauty of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands (Ps 90:17)
We are well into Christmas break, so now I no longer have any excuse not to blog. My fondest salutations to those who continue to check on this pitiful excuse for a web journal. It's been acting more like a peer-reviewed quarterly academic journal lately, with information that was hot last year being posted today.
Anyway, some updates are in order.
The above picture demonstrates how much of a nerd I have become. =p For "leisure reading" this break, I have Allen Newell's (1990) Unified Theories of Cognition and various articles on visual imagery and reasoning for my senior thesis. I've also played a few games of Sudoku, and have gotten to the 8-disc level of the Tower of Hanoi puzzle.
I've also gotten hooked on organization. I've finally come up with an accounting system that I can work with. Today I'll be able to analyze my December expenses and estimate a workable budget for the next month. :)
It's been a good year. I'm happy and content, and feel very blessed to be where I am today, with the opportunities I've got. I'm thankful for all the factors (parents' hard work, Ozarks' generosity, and ultimately, God's blessings) that have made it possible for me to study in the US. I'm thankful to God for blessing me with Anna. I'm thankful to God for "building my vita" with my summer internship in DC, Hagaman's arrival at Ozarks, and the continued generous support of my parents. Above all, I'm grateful that God loves me unconditionally and continues to work in my life. :)
Psalm 90 may be my Scripture for the year. My heart's prayer for 2009 is well said in these 3 verses:
v12 - Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
v14 - Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
v17 - May the beauty of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands.
Entered into one of the most rewarding, joy-producing, and growth-inducing relationships of my life: a courtship with Anna Yong, the love of my life. :)
Experienced the power of God working through a healthy, Christ and gospel-centered church: Capitol Hill Baptist Church in Washington, DC.
Worked 6 weeks in the Lab for Applied Research in Cognition and Human Factors (ARCH Lab) at George Mason University in Fairfax, VA, as an APA Summer Science Fellow.
Was introduced to the power of Macros and Visual Basic programming in Microsoft Excel and Microsoft Word.
Co-authored an empirical paper on procedural errors with Dr. Raj Ratwani and Dr. Greg Trafton through my APA Summer Science Fellowship.Attended the 30th Annual Meeting of the Cognitive Science Society in Washington, DC.
Determined that I want to be a cognitive scientist, committing to acquiring and using a combination of scientific methods to study various aspects of the mind, including language, memory, reasoning, mental representations, and perception (of music, speech, etc.).
Identified a number of graduate schools I will want to apply to: University of Arkansas (Fayetteville), UT Austin, University of Illinois (Urbana-Champagne), SUNY Buffalo, and SUNY Binghamton.
Determined to learn basics of programming. I am now proceeding through CS106A: Programming Methodology with Dr. Mehran Sahami via Stanford's free iTunes U channel.
Witnessed the work of God on the U of O campus and in First Baptist and caught a fiery passion to work for the exaltation of Christ on this campus and in this community.
Realized that my sister is going to get married very soon (in October!!)
Acquired a position in the Bass section of Ozarks Chorale and Chamber Singers. I was previously a Tenor I.
Begun work on a Senior Seminar project that is designed to systematically investigate the complex role of working memory in making deductive inferences from prose.
Finished learning Claude Debussy's Claire de Lune (more than a year after first picking it up!!!).
Had numerous opportunities to share the gospel of Christ, both through word and action.
Wrestled with hard questions about suffering, the sovereignty of God, and election, among others, and emerged with a deeper appreciation and love for the mystifying magnificence that is the LORD God as revealed in the Scriptures.
Switched table tennis/ping pong grips from the pen-holder to the handshake.
Grown.
Loved
Lived, with immense gratitude for the blessings that I continue to drown in daily. :)
Sometimes we can find echoes of truth in the most unexpected places - even in a song about riding my bike with no handlebars. Here's a gem of a hip-hop song (no profanity or sexual references!!) that thinly conceals a truth about human nature and pride that caught me off-guard. I don't know exactly what their intended message was (some have conjectured a tirade against Bush and the war against terror), but here's what I got out of it, by connecting the two most repeated phrases: "...look at me..." and "holocaust". What do you think that says about the logical end of unchecked me-focus? Take some time to digest the lyrics and the video, if you would: I can ride my bike with no handlebars No handlebars No handlebars
I can ride my bike with no handlebars No handlebars No handlebars
Look at me, look at me hands in the air like it's good to be ALIVE and I'm a famous rapper even when the paths're all crookedy I can show you how to do-si-do I can show you how to scratch a record I can take apart the remote control And I can almost put it back together I can tie a knot in a cherry stem I can tell you about Leif Ericson I know all the words to "De Colores" And "I'm Proud to be an American" Me and my friend saw a platypus Me and my friend made a comic book And guess how long it took I can do anything that I want cuz, look:
I can keep rhythm with no metronome No metronome No metronome
And I can see your face on the telephone On the telephone On the telephone
Look at me Look at me Just called to say that it's good to be ALIVE In such a small world I'm all curled up with a book to read I can make money open up a thrift store I can make a living off a magazine I can design an engine sixty four Miles to a gallon of gasoline I can make new antibiotics I can make computers survive aquatic conditions I know how to run a business I can make you wanna buy a product Movers shakers and producers Me and my friends understand the future I see the strings that control the systems I can do anything with no assistance Cuz I can lead a nation with a microphone With a microphone With a microphone And I can split the atom of a molecule Of a molecule Of a molecule
Look at me Look at me Driving and I won't stop And it feels so good to be Alive and on top My reach is global My tower secure My cause is noble My power is pure I can hand out a million vaccinations Or let'em all die in exasperation Have'em all healed of their lacerations Have'em all killed by assassination I can make anybody go to prison Just because I don't like'em and I can do anything with no permission I have it all under my command Because I can guide a missile by satellite By satellite By satellite And I can hit a target through a telescope Through a telescope Through a telescope And I can end the planet in a holocaust In a holocaust In a holocaust In a holocaust In a holocaust In a holocaust
I can ride my bike with no handlebars No handlebars No handlebars
I can ride my bike with no handlebars No handlebars
I have a resource to share that I came across today. It concerns the mental warfare between holy and unholy desire. We know from experience and from Scripture that the battle that really counts is fought not in our visible behaviors and audible words, but in the unseen chambers of our minds and hearts, where a lifelong war is fought for our thoughts and desires. God's will or our will? God's thoughts or our thoughts? Desiring God or desiring me/that car/that woman/that relationship?
Well, this resource specifically concerns temptations of a visual nature. Guys, I think this might be helpful for you. I've heard some people say that, on the average, men think about sex every 6 minutes. Sadly, sometimes this is not far from the truth. Our sex-saturated culture is a lethal weapon in the hands of a Devil with crosshairs on our eternal souls.
Visual temptation is strong. Very strong. It isn't enough to just look away. The image remains in the mind, unless it is replaced in its schema by an alternative image.
Try this: try not thinking about a black cat. Don't think about it. Try as hard as you can to avoid having an sort of image whatsoever of a black cat. Resist any mental images that even remotely resemble a black cat.
If you're like me, you probably didn't fare very well at not thinking about the black cat. Unless you immediately thought about something else.
So here's a suggestion. Why not fight fire with fire? If Satan throws a visual image to incite lust, why not parry the lunge by straining our thoughts in another direction, at another visual image, say, of Christ crucified? What could be more incompatible with lust?
Here are some helpful words from John Piper (in Pierced by the Word) to help you focus your thoughts:
Demand of your mind that it fix its gaze on Christ on the cross. Use all your fantasizing power to see His lacerated back. Thirty-nine lashes left little flesh intact. He heaves with His breath up and down against the rough vertical beam of the cross. Each breath puts splinters into the lacerations. The Lord gasps. From time to time He screams out with intolerable pain. He tries to pull away from the wood and the massive spokes through His wrists rip into the nerve endings and He screams again with agony and pushes up with His feet to give some relief to His wrists. But the bones and nerves in His pierced feet crush against each other with anguish and He screams again. There is no relief. His throat is raw from screaming and thirst. He loses His breath and thinks He is suffocating, and suddenly His body involuntarily gasps for air and all the injuries unite in pain. In torment, He forgets about the crown of two-inch thorns and throws His head back in desperation, only to hit one of the thorns perpendicular against the cross beam and drive it half an inch into His skull. His voice reaches a soprano pitch of pain and sobs break over. His pain-wracked body as every cry brings more and more pain.
*bows to pause in prayer*
My friends, that was the price of our sin. That is how serious rebellion against God is. That is how much God loves us.
I'm not saying focusing on those particular images will grant you instant victory in whatever battle against temptation you are facing. I am saying that we need to fight violently, to do more than "look away" or "pray". We need to somehow lift our eyes from the mire of our sin and temptation and behold the glory of our Savior. We have hope that doing this will connect us to the Grace that will save us.
But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect [or contemplate] the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. (I Corinthians 3:16-18)
The lights are starting to come on.. As I like to say it, I think the Holy Spirit is finally getting through my thick skull: It's a process, my dear child. Perfectionist me wants Joel to be free from sin, spectacularly loving, brimming with faith, bubbling with joy in Jesus, yesterday. In some distant, cognitive sense, I have known this to be unrealistic, and perhaps unscriptural. But that knowledge has not been saving knowledge. My life testifies that I still believe in instant perfection. Tonight, I believe God is beginning to take me out that dreary wasteland into His garden of delightful Grace. :)
I thank God for writing, for His word, and for faithful standard-bearers of that glorious word such as Martin Luther, John Piper, and David Powlison.
Listen to the words of Martin Luther. They ring with wisdom that comes from God, and bring healing and redirection to the miracle of grace:
When our Lord and Master, Jesus Christ, said ‘Repent,’ He called for the entire life of believers to be one of repentance. This life, therefore, is not righteousness but growth in righteousness, not health but healing, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it. The process is not yet finished, but it is going on. This is not the end but it is the road. All does not yet gleam in glory but all is being purified
These words join with Powlison's to speak that the Christian life is to be a lifestyle of repentance, a process of turning and repenting, daily, on many fronts, in many theaters of life, as the Father, the Living God faithfully and tenderly crafts His dear children into the glorious likeness of His Son.
Paul said that "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6). Did you catch that? Until the day of Christ Jesus. We are not finished yet. Not until we see Christ.
So we are works in progress, sinners becoming saints. We fall down, but we get up, for a saint is nothing but a sinner who falls down, and is picked up by grace (Prov 4:16).
May these words wash over your soul with healing waters if you are plagued with guilt daily over your sin and your imperfections. May you find through these words rest, quietness and unqualified and desperate trust in the unfailing Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Know with the confidence of saving faith that God is working. He is faithful, even when we are found faithless (2 Tim 2:13).
So I think one general rule in interpreting the Bible is that repetitions emphasize something significant. When Christ says "verily verily", He's saying, "LISTEN UP. DON'T MISS THIS."
Well, here's a nice little phrase that repeats 3 times in Matthew 6:
"And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."
To be honest, I think these verses stand out more now that I've been exposed to Ps John Piper's exposition of Scripture, arguing that our primary purpose in life is not to "glorify God and enjoy Him forever", but to "glorify God by enjoying Him forever." An oversimplification of the compelling theology of "Christian hedonism", but not too far off the mark.
In any case, one thing that grows out of the theology of Christian hedonism is an obsession with desiring and enjoying God (ergo the name Desiring God Ministries). And so in our reading of Scripture, we Christian hedonists cannot help but notice the phrase "for the joy that was set before Him" in Hebrews 12:2:
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for thejoysetbeforehim endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
And again, in Matthew 5:11-12, where we are given the reason for our rejoicing in tribulation:
"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."
And finally, this morning, I couldn't help but notice in Matthew 6, a great discourse on what true righteousness should look like, Jesus begins, in the very first verse, by saying this:
"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven."
So again we have that ubiquitous idea of reward. The idea here, I think, is that our righteousness is rightly motivated by reward. The righteousness that Christ both models and preaches is not "altruistic", "right for its own sake".. It's motivated by reward! But that's selfish, you say!
*shrugs*
Look at the Scriptures, I reply. Really look. That idea of "reward", it's all over the place. It's hard to ignore. But what is that reward?
Here's a thought I had this morning. One of the places that Christ says "And your Father who sees in secret will reward you" in Matthew 6 is when He's talking about prayer. And He's contrasting "right prayer" with the prayers of the hypocrites, who "love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others" (v5). Jesus says, verily verily, that they already have their reward. What is their reward? To be seen by others. What kind of goal is that for prayer???
Imagine the alternative - what Jesus is implying by His use of the word reward. Jesus doesn't say anything about prayers being answered. He talks about reward. Both types of prayer get rewarded. The hypocrites get noticed. That's their reward. But those who pray in their closets, to their Father in secret? What is their reward?
I contend that their reward is communion with the Father.
That is the reward that I think should motivate our righteousness.
I pray that you will begin and continue to know the reward that is our Father in heaven. =)
Editor's note: For those who want to skip my chiong-hei-ness, you can skip to the bolded main point. =p
Aight, I think it's time that I put some of my own thoughts up here. I was reading David Myers' Psychology Through the Eyes of Faith (a general psychology primer + relevant faith perspectives) tonight, and was reminded of one thing that Social Psychology says about human nature: our judgments of our states of being are relative.
To a point, relative judgments are warranted and based in objective reality. Take income and purchasing power for instance. In middle-class America, if I pocket $1200 a month, I'm pushing the floor of the middle class. In middle-class Malaysia, if I pocket $1200 (approx. RM4k) a month, I'm comfortably above the midpoint of the middle class. If I pocket that same amount a month in, say, Indonesia, I'm filthy rich. $1200 a month living in Palo Alto, California might very well put me in the poverty danger zone.
But when it comes to judgments of happiness, numbers are only a small part of the equation. Here's where the relative factor really comes into play. I remember my parents, and countless others from their generation, telling of how they looked forward to and enjoyed so much the rare occasions when they would be able to eat meat at a meal. Days without meat were endured, or perhaps passed over, as ordinary. I imagine myself in their shoes and conclude that my pre-meal prayers would be especially fervent and grateful if there was meat on the table. Compare that to my present: I take it for granted that I'll get to eat meat everyday. If I don't get to eat meat for a day, I don't get unhappy necessarily, but I definitely expect to eat meat the next day. If that doesn't happen for a while, I'll probably consider myself a little unfortunate, and might find my happiness level a little down. Granted, this example might not strike a chord with everyone.. I love food very much, so that was the first thing I thought of. =p
Here's another one. I am often struck with unhappiness over the quality of music I can make. This used to happen a lot more, back in the day when I would watch video after video of drummer/pianist/bassist prodigies blowing me out the water with their mad skills. I would daydream and ask God why I didn't have perfect pitch/perfect rhythm/a better bass/a better voice, yada yada yada.
Wow. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I do get depressed sometimes, when I'm "not playing well." Imagine that. For crying out loud, I can make music! There's no doubt about that. I'm not boasting here - God deserves the credit for the gift he's given me. You know how genes work, right? We have zero control over our genes. In future, our parents might, in which case we could thank them in addition to God for whatever talents we had, but.. even then, there would be no cause for boasting in talent. So I boldly proclaim that I am gifted musically, and give God all the credit for that.
But I digress.
Last Sunday, I heard a voice pierce through my complaining mind, reminding me that there are many people for whom hearing pleasant sounds issue from a musical instrument under their conscious control is an alien experience (which is Joel-speak for "some ppl can't play music wan!!!" =p).
And I was grateful. And happy.
So that's kind of how it works. If my current position can be compared favorably to another position, then I can be happy. At least that's how it works according the "relative rule" (I made that name up).
Now, to my main point. What I thought of and wanted to share was this: Christians should be the most grateful and the most happy, because we know that we deserve nothing but wrath and spiritual death, and anything seems better compared to that. If I know that I deserved hell, it becomes possible to be thankful for anything. Wahhh so absolute?? I stand by it. Think about it. Eternal torment vs irritating flies. Which one is worse? Eternal torment vs bad grade in class. Which one is worse? Eternal torment vs death of a close friend. Ouch. That was a low one. But the comparison still holds for me. The point is, I ought to be thankful in everything, just as the Bible commands (I Thessalonians 5:18), and I can do this because the Holy Spirit and my experience of grace helps me to see what was coming to me (Death), and everything that actually does come to me seems infinitely better than that.
I discovered the scriptural concept of "Gutsy Guilt." It's been a great blessing to me, and I want to share it with you. I was exposed to this concept in a John Piper sermon on "Fighting for Joy", but "Gutsy Guilt" is explained beautifully in the following is an excerpt from John Piper's sermon "How to Deal with the Guilt of Sexual Failure for the Glory of Christ and His Global Cause", delivered to a massive conference of youth at Passion 2007. Be blessed. Our God is to be worshiped and adored! =)
And what will you say to him? I conclude with my second point, Trusting Christ to the hilt with gutsy guilt. Micah 7:8-9 is a picture of what you say to your enemy when he scoffs at your defeat. Here is what you say. My summary of these words is to call them gutsy guilt. I call it that because the believer admits that he has done wrong and that God is dealing roughly with him. But even in a condition of darkness and discipline, he will not surrender his hold on the truth that God is on his side. Listen to these amazing words. Mark them. Memorize them. Use them whenever Satan tempts you to throw away your life on trifles because that’s all you’re good for.
Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him, until he pleads my cause and executes judgment for me. He will bring me out to the light; I shall look upon his vindication. (Micah 7:8-9)
This is what victory looks like the morning after failure. Meditate on it long and hard when I am gone. Learn to take your theology and speak like this to the devil or anyone else who tells you that Christ is not capable of using you mightily for his global cause. Here is what you say:
“Rejoice not over me, O my enemy.” You make merry over my failure? You think you will draw me into your deception? Think again.
“When I fall, I shall rise.” Yes, I have fallen. And I hate what I have done. I grieve at the dishonor I have brought on my king. But hear this, O my enemy, I will rise. I will rise.
“When I sit in darkness, the Lord will be a light to me.” Yes, I am sitting in darkness. I feel miserable. I feel guilty. I am guilty. But that is not all that is true about me and my God. The same God who makes my darkness is a sustaining light to me in this very darkness. He will not forsake me.
“I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him, until he pleads my cause and executes judgment for me.” O yes, my enemy, this much truth you say, I have sinned. I am bearing the indignation of the Lord. But that is where your truth stops and my theology begins: He—the very one who is indignant with me—he will plead my cause. You say he is against me and that I have no future with him because of my failure. That’s what Job’s friends said. That is a lie. And you are a liar. My God, whose Son’s life is my righteousness and whose Son’s death is my punishment, will execute judgment for me. For me! FOR me! And not against me.
“He will bring me out to the light; I shall look upon his vindication.” This misery that I now feel because of my failure, I will bear as long as my dear God ordains. And this I know for sure—as sure as Jesus Christ, the Son of God, is my punishment and my righteousness—God will bring me out to the light, and I will look upon his righteousness, my Lord and my God.
What a Friend we have in Jesus All our sins and griefs to bear! What a privilege to carry Everything to God in prayer! O what peace we often forfeit O what needless pain we bear All because we do not carry Everything to God in prayer
Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged Take it to the Lord in prayer Can we find a Friend so faithful Who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our every weakness - Take it to the Lord in prayer
Are we weak and heavy-laden Burdened with a load of care? Precious Saviour, still our refuge Take it to the Lord in prayer Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer In his arms he'll take and shield you You will find a solace there
So I've been wrestling lately with a giant that is too strong for me: selfishness. I feel very "tender" these days. Easy to spark off. Oversensitive. Over-thinking. Almost like a slave to my Self-pity and Pride. Almost to the point of despair. I sometimes see myself from a third-person perspective (probably the Holy Spirit's work) and know that the fuel, if not the root, of my woes is my selfish pride, and the lies it feeds me.
I wanted...but I didn't get. I expected...but I didn't get. I deserve...but I didn't get. I gave...but got not thanks in return. I messed up...and was given no mercy. I am the lonely victim... I am the thankless hero... I am the neglected struggler...
Devilish lies my bloated Self whispers into my consciousness.. PAH!
I identify very strongly with the protagonist in the "Get Service" video. And with the conflicted, disillusioned David Dunn in M. Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable (excellent movie, btw). I wish I had those "Get Service" glasses on all the time. Unfortunately, God has not seen fit to be so kind with me yet. Or maybe I need to pray harder for a change of eyes. In any case, I know with painful certainty that I am, somewhere in my core, a deeply self-centered being.
Sometimes I feel like a slave, you know? A slave to my selfish pride. Pride says, "Get annoyed." And I do, despite my screaming soul pleading with me to love.. Pride says, "Throw a Pity Party. Invite yourself, and shut everyone else out." And I do, against the gentle promptings of my Father...
But you know what? There is hope. =)
Here's a timely rhema I received today. Drink in..
"If you hold to (remain, abide, continue in, keep coming back to, cleave to) my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:31-32).
I think I see an antidote to those devilish lies, and probably something better than special "Get Service" glasses. The words of Jesus Christ burned unto my soul.
The Work of the Devil, Our Accuser/The Work of Jesus, our Redeemer
(El's Note: Article taken from Setting Captives Free Ministry)
The devil's work is to tempt and then accuse believers. The work of Jesus Christ is to redeem us from sin and to silence the accusations of the devil.
These truths are stated clearly in Revelation 12:10 and illustrated in Zechariah 3. 10 Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say: "Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. (Revelation 12:10)
As we succumb to the allurements of the devil, and fall to his temptations, we feel unclean and distanced from God. The devil then uses these times of failure to accuse us before God, and the accusations sting and discourage us, largely because we know much of what he is accusing us of is true. When we sin we give the evil one ammunition with which to accuse and attack us. He is the accuser of the brethren and as such his work is to attack us with accusing and condemning thoughts.
But the work of Jesus Christ is to destroy the work of the devil, and this He did on the cross: 8 He who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work. (1 John 3:8)
The very reason Jesus came to this earth was to destroy the work of the devil; to destroy the power of his temptations and to destroy the accuracy of his accusations. As Jesus died on the cross He shed His blood, which forgives our sin and enables us to overcome the devil, as the next verse in Revelation 12 says: 11 They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. (Revelation 12:11)
We also overcome the accusations of the devil through the work of the cross. Jesus took our place, so all accusations the devil makes die with Jesus on the cross. "He's a sinner" and "she's guilty" and "he should die" all are redirected to our Substitute Who received those accusations and died in our place, paying the penalty for sin and silencing our accuser.
I pray that today you would focus on the work of the Redeemer, not the work of the Accuser, that God might break the power of cancelled sin in you, and that you might live to His glory.
I passed a woman on the streets of Tulsa, Oklahoma yesterday. She looked tired and sad. Her clothes were rather dirty, and she looked hungry, like she didn't have a place to stay.
I looked down as I passed her.
Inside I was screaming. I felt something in my heart. But I didn't know what to do. God have mercy on me.
"Break my heart with the things that break your heart" (Israel Houghton, "Deeper")
In the perennial Christmas classic, White Christmas, Bing Crosby sets out to educate Rosemary Clooney on the unseemly underside of show business. He concludes her education with the cynical line, “Everybody’s got an angle.”
We live in a culture of angles and agendas. Of course, the more noble or religious souls call them “missions.” But whatever you call them, they give us a sense of purpose, save us from boredom, ensure us that our days are not random, and convince us that we are, in fact, “going somewhere.”
Going somewhere is good, but that can quickly translate into a driven-ness that disturbs our peace and dulls us to His presence. And whether motivated by a mission of mercy or the crass pursuit of personal advantage, we can find ourselves driven by agendas all the same.
In a highly individualized society like ours, the drive to authenticate ourselves can dominate our lives. The need to fulfill our destiny, the push to accomplish our purpose, or simply the appetite to maximize our potential tends to subsume everything else.
Tragically, even human relationships are formed in order to fulfill certain personal objectives. Friendships are valued by how each contributes to our goals. Will this connection get me where I want to go? Even a family can become a mere support system for each member’s personal agenda.
What about our “angles and agendas” with the Lord?
Naturally, this kind of agenda-driven self-absorption can infect our worship. Is this worship experience meeting my needs? Is it giving me peace? Will it grow my church? Because of these angles and agendas, worship can become a means not an end; friendship is sacrificed on the altar of mission. Everybody’s got an angle.
So, how do we unplug and detox from a life-style dominated by angles, agendas, and even addictions to ministry? How can we rest in our call, instead of being driven by our needs for success and significance?
I think we must let go of our agenda, releasing everything until our rhythm of communion with God is restored. Charles Spurgeon once said: "Success exposes a man to the pressures of people and thus tempts him to hold on to his gains by means of fleshly methods and practices, and to let himself be ruled wholly by the dictatorial demands of incessant expansion."
Focusing on Christ is the first step to rejecting those dictatorial demands. And we must unplug and “just say no” to the incessant screaming of our culture to “be something” or “go somewhere.” Only when we die to the need for personal significance, can we find release from the drives that threaten to push us over the edge - and that place where we are lost in the embrace of Jesus.
Gazing upon God
Jack Hayford says, "Worship holds the solution to the dilemma of mankind.” That is true because worshiping God takes the focus off of us. The world will only see Jesus in us as we reflect His beauty. And we cannot reflect His beauty unless we are looking at Him. Worship is gazing upon God. Without an agenda.
I once watched a young worship leader in action, gracing the keyboard with the velvet touch of a master, moving the congregation to a higher pitch of emotional intensity. He closed his eyes and sang songs that strummed the deepest yearnings of the human heart. The worship swelled. Faces were lifted to heaven, eyes glistened with an unspoken ache for intimacy with God. No doubt, it was a sweet moment – but was it worship?
Afterward, the pastor of that church cornered me. He was clearly frustrated with the worship leader – the passion displayed on the platform had not translated to Christ-likeness in his character. It seemed that he worshiped worship – engaged more in the experience of spiritual encounter, than in yielding his will to the Master. The feeling of spirituality had replaced nut-and-bolts obedience. His worship leading had an agenda. Whether he realized it or not, creating an emotionally cathartic moment that ingratiated him to the congregation was his agenda.
One of the clear words we have received about this year’s IWI is that we are to design the entire event in such a way that the only ‘agenda’ is gazing on God’s glory and embracing His presence.
Yes, the teaching will be rich, the workshops helpful, and our times of worship will be moving. But above all else, the Lord wants to do in us what He is doing in His people all over the globe: restore our focus on His glory.
"Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things." (Isaiah 40:26)
The people of God in Isaiah's day had starved their imagination by looking on the face of idols, and Isaiah made them look up at the heavens; that is, he made them begin to use their imagination aright.
The test of spiritual concentration is bringing the imagination into captivity. Is your imagination looking on the face of an idol? Is the idol yourself? Your work? Your conception of what a worker should be? Your experience of salvation and sanctification? Then your imagination of God is starved, and when you are up against difficulties you have no power, you can only endure in darkness. If your imagination is starved, do not look back to your own experience; it is God Whom you need. Go right out of yourself, away from the face of your idols, away from everything that has been starving your imagination. Rouse yourself, take the gibe that Isaiah gave the people, and deliberately turn your imagination to God.
Taught in the College Bible class at church last Sunday. The subject was Uzzah's death during the Ark processional in I Chronicles 13. Reminded that God is not to be messed around with.
Shared in Alpha & Omega on Tuesday. Learned in Exodus 32-33 and John 15 about how God calls us to a deeper "face-to-face" relationship with Him as friends.
Snowed on Thursday! :) Went sledding and snowfighting. Lots of fun and aching arms the next day.
First looks at the snow..
Snow-covered El!!
Lots of people taking pictures of the unusually heavy snowfall
Happy people after sledding and snowfighting :)
Me and a random snowchild
The snow-covered campus the morning after. It all melted away in the 50+F afternoon
Went to WinterJam yesterday (Friday) night. Newsong, Skillet, Barlowgirl, and MercyMe. God spoke to me about faith throughout the concert, even though I normally don't enjoy such events as much. Tony Nolan spoke of the benchmark for faith through the story of a tightrope walker who walked on a rope across the Niagara Falls twice with a wheelbarrow. The crowd cheered him on for a third, screaming their belief in his ability. He told them to demonstrate their faith by coming out to sit in the wheelbarrow as he walked. How many of them really believed? How many of us really believe?
Right now I'm waiting for 30 pork dumplings (siu mai??) to be done in Anna's steamer. Jian Peng's idea. Tongue and stomach itchy dy. =p
Gotta go study for my Intro to Music Lit. test. And then find time to sift through 62 assorted Raphael frescoes, Madonnas, portraits, and other works for a 30-40 minute presentation for Monday.
(Editor's note: Got this in my inbox from my beloved Aunt Lai Lai. I pray this blesses you as much as it did me.)
A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, “Who would like this $20 bill?”
Hands started going up.
He said, “I am going to give this $20 to one of you, but first, let me do this.”
He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.
He then asked, “Who still wants it?”
Still the hands were up in the air.
Well, he replied, “What if I do this?”
And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.
“Now, who still wants it?”
Still the hands went into the air.
“My friends,” he said, “We have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.
“Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless.”
“But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.”
“The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE and WHOSE WE ARE. You are special; don't EVER forget it.”
"The Christian life is a lot like dancing! Learning a new dance - Christ is our dance partner. He's teaching us the steps, a new song, a new rhythm.. Balance is key. The movements will be beautiful, perhaps hard to learn at first (cos we'll have to unlearn our old dance steps), but eventually, as we apply patience and perseverance, and with large dosages (in abundance, really - we just have to listen for them) of encouragement from proudly-looking-on Daddy, our bodies will start to flow with the new Divine Rhythm, to sway in the New Dance.. Eventually others will marvel at the beauty of this Dance, and ask how they might learn it too. It is then that we introduce them to our Teacher. ;-)."
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The above was written by a winsomely hopeful 20-year old a year and a half ago. I long to recapture the innocence, the joy of Moments, the beauty of poetry and music and art and love and Life, without losing all the gains I have made in maturity in the years since.. Teach me to hope again, Father.. Teach me to laugh again.. Teach me to Dance.
Sinner. Saved by grace. Saint (in the making). Worshipper. Musician. Wordsmith. Artist. Lover of beauty. Man. Child of God. Wannabe athlete. Emotional. Thinker. Complex. Different. Person.
