Thoughts provoked by "Get Service."
So I've been wrestling lately with a giant that is too strong for me: selfishness. I feel very "tender" these days. Easy to spark off. Oversensitive. Over-thinking. Almost like a slave to my Self-pity and Pride. Almost to the point of despair.
I sometimes see myself from a third-person perspective (probably the Holy Spirit's work) and know that the fuel, if not the root, of my woes is my selfish pride, and the lies it feeds me.
I wanted...but I didn't get. I expected...but I didn't get. I deserve...but I didn't get.I gave...but got not thanks in return.I messed up...and was given no mercy.
I am the lonely victim...
I am the thankless hero...
I am the neglected struggler...
Devilish lies my bloated Self whispers into my consciousness.. PAH!
I identify very strongly with the protagonist in the "Get Service" video. And with the conflicted, disillusioned David Dunn in M. Night Shyamalan's
Unbreakable (
excellent movie, btw). I wish I had those "Get Service" glasses on all the time. Unfortunately, God has not seen fit to be so kind with me yet. Or maybe I need to pray harder for a change of eyes. In any case, I know with painful certainty that I am, somewhere in my core, a deeply self-centered being.
Sometimes I feel like a slave, you know? A slave to my selfish pride. Pride says, "Get annoyed." And I do, despite my screaming soul pleading with me to love.. Pride says, "Throw a Pity Party. Invite yourself, and shut everyone else out." And I do, against the gentle promptings of my Father...
But you know what? There is hope. =)
Here's a timely
rhema I received today. Drink in..
"If you hold to (remain, abide, continue in, keep coming back to, cleave to) my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free" (John 8:31-32).
I think I see an antidote to those devilish lies, and probably something better than special "Get Service" glasses. The words of Jesus Christ burned unto my soul.
Labels: For the spirit, Musings, Rantings
out of rome!!
thank god!! and thanks to those who prayed.
we managed to get a flight out of rome with alitalia airlines in time to get the car from charleroi airport and will still be able to make it for our booking in salzburg.
we are SO relieved to be out of rome. the history in the city is astounding, but we've gone through so much *bad* drama in the city before, during, and at the end of our trip there that we were elated when our flight out of rome left the airport. phew!!
anyways, just a short shout-out to let everyone know that we're safe and on schedule (though RM2000 poorer thanks to the Ministry of Equipment Transport Union (MET) who are responsible for the organized strike at the airport which precipitated much of the drama today).
we're SO going to be in heaven in austria and beyond... =p
Labels: News, Rantings
Tired and discouraged..
I got a 45/50 for my last Clinical Experience Report. Discouraged because it was the longest Report I've ever turned in, and I made a lower grade on it than my other reports. And I had so much to report and evaluate - I was overwhelmed that week.. Feeling very down now and very incompetent after reading all of Dr. Stephenson's comments splashed in red ink over the pages of my report like so much blood after a messy murder.. Excuse the morbid language - I'm in a bad mood.
So much to do, so much to do.. So much to learn, improve on.. So little progress?
Discouraged...
*sighs*
I guess I'm reacting this way because I'm physically tired, and I'm focusing too much on the things that I have to do this week.. God, give me strength - I'm desperately in need of whatever help I can get. I'm in over my head.. And it's only the beginning of the week.. *dies*
I need Christ. *goes into closet to pray*
Pray for me if you get a chance - Heaven knows I need it.
Labels: Rantings
Lazy to blog lah!!
Wah, long time never update dy. Seriously lazy to blog dy la!! So many things to do!! I know for a fact that I have enough time to get everything done with aplomb, but I'm stressed because I'm so disorganized. I've got three books to critically review before April is over, and I have midterms next week, and I've got a SUPER big Clinical Experience Report to write up for this week, AND I've got a client for Clinical Experience and a meeting with the Chaplain and others for Christian Emphasis week, AND I've got rehearsal tonight for leading worship this weekend, AND the Choir is leading worship in First Presbyterian this Sunday, AND I've got to plan for another client this Friday, AND I've got to freaking HURRY UP AND BUY MY AIR TICKET to Brussels for the summer (don't worry, mummy and daddy - I finally got all my money in my account - I will definitely buy the ticket today)...
PHEW.
Need to release some stress. Just got done studying for a Business Stat test I'm taking at 1pm. Now need to prepare for tonight's rehearsal a bit, practice for voice lessons, then hopefully get some of my CER done.
All of my strength is in YOU!!! :)
God is seriously good lah. Really, in the midst of all this seemingly insane busyness, I'm cocooned in a quiet haven of REST with the King of Kings!! He's always with me, and I can rant to Him anytime and receive grace and strength from Him and through others. God is good!! :)
Oklah. Better go dy. Off to war! Carpe diem!! If you can, please pray that I won't fall into the temptation to take another nap today - just took a 15-minute one just now.. Thank you!!
Bye bye.
*scurries off*
Labels: News, Random, Rantings, Snapshots
STRESSED
*WARNING: El is about to messily pour forth the bowels of his thoughts and emotions*
WAHHHH!!!! So stressed la just now!! Super stressed la seriously!! So many attachments to organize in my super-long Clinical Experience Report!! FUH.
Sumore I made the mistake of choosing to finish off the Report instead of studying more for my Business Stats test. I know I messed up on at least one problem. *sighs*
Oh well. Learn from mistakes la. :)
Just thought I'd let out some steam. Hehe. =p
On another note, God is AMAZING!! Had a test for American National Government with Dr. Parks today, and he allowed us to TYPE our exam!! Those of you who know the speed difference between my handwriting and my typing know what that means to me, also considering the fact that Parks' tests are exclusively short answer/essay, and are slated for 50 minutes. Needless to say, I feel really good about the test. *pumps fist*
Ah, also been having to CRY OUT to God for physical (and mental and emotional) strength to deal with my workload this sem. While I do recognize that I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed and burnt out at times, I also recognize that what I'm going through is but a
taste of what others have to go through, so I shall not complain on my soapbox. That is not my purpose here. My purpose here is to make sure everyone knows just how FANTABULOUS our Heavenly Father is. You know that passage in Isaiah 40? Here, read it again:
10 See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power,
and his arm rules for him.
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.
11 He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.
12 Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
or weighed the mountains on the scales
and the hills in a balance?
13 Who has understood the mind [d] of the LORD,
or instructed him as his counselor?
14 Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him,
and who taught him the right way?
Who was it that taught him knowledge
or showed him the path of understanding?
15 Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket;
they are regarded as dust on the scales;
he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust.
16 Lebanon is not sufficient for altar fires,
nor its animals enough for burnt offerings.
17 Before him all the nations are as nothing;
they are regarded by him as worthless
and less than nothing.
18 To whom, then, will you compare God?
What image will you compare him to?
19 As for an idol, a craftsman casts it,
and a goldsmith overlays it with gold
and fashions silver chains for it.
20 A man too poor to present such an offering
selects wood that will not rot.
He looks for a skilled craftsman
to set up an idol that will not topple.
21 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood since the earth was founded?
22 He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth,
and its people are like grasshoppers.
He stretches out the heavens like a canopy,
and spreads them out like a tent to live in.
23 He brings princes to naught
and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing.
24 No sooner are they planted,
no sooner are they sown,
no sooner do they take root in the ground,
than he blows on them and they wither,
and a whirlwind sweeps them away like chaff.
25 "To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.
26 Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
27 Why do you say, O Jacob,
and complain, O Israel,
"My way is hidden from the LORD;
my cause is disregarded by my God"?
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
(Isaiah 40:10-31)
WAH. Good ya? Hehe.. Had personal LIVE experience with the last portion of this passage man.. From Wednesday to Friday.. Woke up on Wednesday morning positively BUSHED and
drained.. Dragged myself to prayer meet, and was TOTALLY REJUVENATED. Trusted God to provide strength, and He DID.
You should try it!! :)
Also, if you're a Christian reading this, do pray for Huei Yin, a friend of mine - pray that our Father show what a loving, healing God He is to her by healing her skin of eczema. A fabulous opportunity for us to show off our INCOMPARABLE God!! Pray with me ya?
*bows*
Labels: For the spirit, News, Rantings
